I'll just reiterate: College = hard. Not much time for blogging. I hate it, but that's the way it is. This past week I had two midterms, a test, and an essay. AND I lost my room key...AND I got stain remover all over my desk...AND I've been at my cousin's house all weekend. So. Yeah. This will probably be my last GIANTMONSTERPOST; I've decided that from here on out, I'd rather write shorter, chattier posts than try to do novella-posts and end up having no time and no blog post. Just so you know.
But for now, I wish to engage in a brief rant...
I knew that opening would catch your attention.
"But Beatnik Belle," you protest, "google-searching 'women's film festival' brings up 3,460,00 results! Aren't those festivals for films made by women?"
Well, yes and no.
Here's the thing, you guys: My film fits no niches. It has no political, religious, or moral message. Whatever meaning you draw from it is yours and yours alone. I have no agenda. There are no minorities (except perhaps virgin rockstars) represented. I'm eighteen and in college, so I can't work the "high-school prodigy" angle anymore (not that that ever worked to begin with in my case). I'm not Jewish, Catholic, African-American, Spanish-American, Native American, or any other ethnic or religious minority. I'm not a lesbian, and even if I were, the film I'm currently promoting has no significance to the LGBT community.
My last resort, then, my last hope for a "niche" to use to promote my film, is the fact that I, a woman, wrote, directed, and edited my film under a female advisor. Women in the film industry are rare, and if you don't believe me, recall the fact that it took 81 Academy Award ceremonies before a woman director won Best Picture. So, I turn to women's film festivals in hope of finding a "niche" for my film...but guess what? There are problems there as well.
You think I'm about to go into a feminist rant, right? You think I'm about to complain about how underrepresented women are in the film industry?
No.
No, because you already know that.
Here's what you probably didn't know, unless you are, like me, a struggling female filmmaker:
There are very few festivals specifically held for ordinary narrative films directed, written, and edited by female filmmakers.
Are you confused yet? Let me explain: I don't mean that there are no women's film festivals, because there definitely are. I mean that 90% of the film festivals are not just for women filmmakers. They are for women filmmakers who make films starring women, promoting feminism, or raising awareness of women's health issues.
Now, I am not saying that promoting awareness of women's health and domestic issues is a bad thing. I'm part of the Advocacy Team at my school; I've campaigned to get better education for girls from financially challenged families, campaigned to stop human trafficking, worn the pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness, donated to domestic violence campaigns, the whole nine yards. And hey, if having film festivals supporting these issues makes a difference, if they make a difference, then yes, PLEASE utilize that to full power. The bottom line: I am all for making a difference and using film to do that.
But here's where I have a problem: when every single women's film festival demands that all submitted films not only be written and directed by women, but ABOUT women's issues and women's health...AND have an all-women or mostly-women crew. When there is a good film written, directed, and edited by a woman that is NOT about feminism or health, and has a crew with men in the prominent roles, and that film can't get into any festivals...that's where I have a problem.
The thing is, I've called several women's festivals that haven't specified a particular issue on their website and asked for more info. No less than FOUR of these phone calls have had a red-flag-raising result: I've been chatting with whoever's on the phone and it's been going really well, only to have the conversation screech to a halt the second they hear what my film is about. Paraphrased transcript:
Me: Hi, I'm a film student at McDaniel College and recent graduate of the Motion Picture Arts program at Interlochen Arts Academy and I'm calling for more information about your film festival.
Friendly women's film festival representative: What would you like to know?
Me: What's your submission fee?
FWFFR: [insert sometimes-good, sometimes-outrageous amount here]
Me: Okay, and where is your festival held?
FWFFR: [insert sometimes probable, sometimes impossible-to-get-to location here]
Me: Okay...do you have any submission guidelines not listed on your website?
FWFFR: No, all our guidelines are listed on our site. As long as you're a woman filmmaker, you're eligible.
Me: The film doesn't have to be about a specific topic or promote a specific issue?
FWFFR: Not that I'm aware of.
Me: Would a romantic comedy be eligible?
FWFFR: That's entirely possible. What is your film called?
Me: He's A Rockstar.
FWFFR: Hmm, interesting title...what's it about?
Me: [insert two-sentence synopsis here]
*cue crickets*
Suddenly not-so-friendly WFFR: So...your protagonist is male?
Me: Well...yes.
SNSFWFFR: Hmm...well...you can submit it and we can check it out, see if it's right for our festival... [doesn't outright state that the film will probably not be accepted]
By this point in the conversation I am usually ready to kill someone. Either that, or I'm seriously doubting myself and wondering whether or not I should've made Emerson the protagonist. At the end of the last phone call that ended like this, I burst into tears and was halfway through writing a film about domestic violence before I managed to calm myself down.
Here's another thing: My films, in case no one has as of yet noticed (admittedly this question is mainly geared towards people who actually know me, and have seen more of my stuff), usually feature male protagonists. Now, before you point me in the direction of the nearest therapist and/or Transgender Issues Film Festival, let me make a few things perfectly clear:
1) I am a female. And I am proud of that. And I have no desire to change that. End of discussion.
2) I grew up with a LOT of male friends. (I went to a martial arts studio from the time I was ten, for Pete's sake; what do you expect?)
3) Two of my best friends are male, and I absolutely love them to pieces and would die for either one of them and, back in the lovely days when we actually lived on the same campus in the same state, spent waaay more time talking to them/hanging out with them than was probably healthy.
4) Every single guy that I have ever dated/semidated has fallen into a minority category and/or had something "wrong" with him. Examples: Mental illness, Asperger Syndrome, homosexuality (yes, I did date a closeted gay guy, and quite honestly I'll never forget that), homeschooled, atheist, homeschooled atheist, starving artist, abusive home life, Jewish, ridiculously high IQ, and just plain outcast. I probably got more screenplay material out of that than any other aspect of my life. (Weird enough for you?)
There. Now that we have that out of the way, I shall continue with my rant.
So. Many of my films, if not all of them, feature a male protagonist. Tell me I have to write an all-female film, and I'll freak out. It's funny--until I went to Sidekicks (where I had martial arts lessons) I pretty much ONLY wrote all-female stories. What happened? I really don't know. I just know that I do have a few stories in the cache right now with female protagonists, but for the most part, my primary characters tend to be of the masculine variety.
And guess what? That REALLY freaks people out. You would not believe how incredibly surprised most people are after reading my screenplay portfolio or watching any of my films. I'm a girl who writes about guys. It's simple. Only not, because everyone flips out and acts like I have something wrong with me because I don't write about "girly stuff." But really, the way I see it, the themes I write about--friendship, family, loss, joy, pain, and love--aren't gender-specific. Besides that, I can't tell you how many people have watched He's A Rockstar and said, "Yeah, I can tell that a girl directed that" or "That story is told through a woman's eyes."
So with all that in mind, I am not exactly popular with the women's film festivals. I probably should mention here that I'm not really popular with film festivals in general; I don't fit the "formula" of most of the films that festivals really want to snatch up by the handful. I am just a bit...how shall we put it?...quirky. Water-torturing aliens, virgin rockstars, pregnant geeks, partying teachers, murderous filing cabinets (don't ask--just don't), rude rubber duckies (again, don't ask), knife-wielding MPA majors, dish-throwing housewives, autistic lovers, body-snatching Playmobil, protesting orca whales, and talking jackrabbits--I've pretty much out-weirded Tim Burton at this point. Film festivals are looking for nice, conventional domestic issues, moral debate, activism, and classic experimentalism. I do not fall into any of those categories.
I'm trying, I really am, to make more films with female protagonists, focusing on actual issues. But I'm beginning to wonder why I should have to do that. I'm beginning to wonder why it is that I can make a film with a story that hasn't been told 10,000 times, with original, unique and relatable characters, and it is largely ignored, while my fellow film students retell stories that have been around since the birth of cinema and get into dozens of festivals and take top prize in every competition they enter.
I am tired of this. I really am. I don't want to "try" to write "real" stories. I don't define a "real" story as something that involves death, tragedy, and clichés. I don't define a women's film festival as a venue for feminist rants and films about health issues. Why is it that a simple, solid story can't get into a normal film festival that allegedly looks for all levels of expertise and all types of stories? And why is it that whenever someone hears that I often write from the view of a male protagonist, they either get uncomfortable or treat me as a traitor to my own gender? (To be fair, not everyone does this--just everyone in the film industry.)
Please help me out, guys. I don't know what's going on. I don't want to be Ed Wood. I just want people to see my work.
I just want to be heard.
STOLEN DIALOGUE
(only because I know you've all missed it)
"You might have a bad attitude, but for God's sake, hide it!"
"I do go to the bathroom occasionally, just like any other biological organism."
"That is a Virginia Woolf penis joke!"
"Things turn out rather crappily for her, what with the whole not-having-money thing and all."
"I think we should sing Eliza 'Happy Birthday' before we discuss how James Bond gets to convert lesbians, which is also pretty cool."
"I had a student from Uzbekistan and I did not call her 'The Uzbeki,' even though that would've been fun, you know, because I'm Becky and she's Uzbeki--she has the extra 'uz' that I do not."
"Pussy Galore...it makes you wonder, is that the name on her birth certificate?"
"Give women the right to vote and BAM, gender roles fall apart!"
"It sounds like a rhino masturbation fit!"
"England was like, 'We've made the atomic bomb! Yay!' and America was like, 'We have just created the hydrogen bomb,' and England was like, 'God damn it, United States! What the fuck?!'"
"That's like fish genocide, right there."
(teacher calling on us)
"Amanda and then Sean...who was apparently very triggered by the pillow pet story..."
Person one: You take notes on all your books?
Person two: You don't?
"Off the top of my head, that sounds like total bullshit."
"Forgive me, for I have sinned against home-baked cookies."
"At least get your bitch identification correct!"
Person one: It's hard to be like, "Okay, I'm going to stab you now!"
Person two: If someone walked into the room right now...
"Sweet mother of God, it's like a rhino orgy!"
