I need a good rant

I realize that it has been a long time since I blogged. However, I actually do have an excuse for that: I have had no computer for the past week and no time to write for the last ten days. Between college prep and trying to get my "crackbook pro" fixed (apparently, it takes longer than overnight to replace a badly-cracked Macbook Pro screen...WHO THE HELL KNEW?), I haven't had the means to blog. Sorry about that, everyone. But now that I do, I'll provide you with another rant from your friendly neighborhood hipster about...what else?...hipsterism.

Hardly a week has gone by this summer without my dad making a reference, veiled or unveiled, to the hipster qualities that I allegedly possess. And I'm not going to lie--it's annoying. Well, semi-annoying, because he's my dad and I love him and, believe me, on the long list of Crap That Beatnik Belle Has Put Up With Throughout High School, getting called "hipster" by my well-meaning father is waaaay down there along with "listening to Green Day" and "getting teased by editing teacher." But that's not the point. Anyway, I've heard "You're a hipster!" minimum once a week since March, with varying degrees of irritation on my part following this repeated declaration. But the irritation wasn't at my dad. Oh, no. It was at the idiots who have given any poor shmuck who calls himself or herself "hipster" a bad name.

I posted a joke about a hipster in a music store on my blog awhile back and received this lovely tidbit in response:

-THE ACTUAL HIPSTER JOKE-

(A customer walks over to the first aisle of a CD store and apathetically glances at some of the CDs while inwardly lamenting the downward spiral of popular culture while ironically liking Beyonce. It takes him three minutes before he gets bored. He then walks up to the counter.)

Customer: You're cute, wanna come to a secret Wavves show tonight and do some blow with Best Coast?

Salesperson: Whowhat?

Customer: Lamestreamer.

He lights a Native Spirit cigarette even though the sign says "No smoking" but he wants to stick it to the man. He contemplates putting the cigarette out on the cover of a Justin Bieber CD but decides that cigarettes are too expensive despite his neverending trust fund. He exits the store and jumps on his fixie, muttering "I miss you James Murphy bro" while nearly being hit by a Hummer blasting Eminem.

Wait, where's the punch line? IRONY DOESN'T HAVE PUNCH LINES BITCH.

Ooh, fun. Let's play a game called "Spot the Stereotype," shall we?

First of all, this joke is not actually making fun of hipsters. It is making fun of pretentious people who think they are better than everyone else because they have semi-decent taste in music (and even that is debatable). It is making fun of the idiots who actually think that those shutter shades are attractive. (Little hint, guys: 1) they are not attractive in the least, and 2) every emo and their brother owns them, which makes them--LE GASP!--mainstream, does it not?) It is making fun of people who conform to the "indie" standard and insist they are the counterculture. No. No, they are not.

So what is a hipster these days, exactly? Well, according to this joke, it is a rich, obnoxious kid with nothing better to do than make fun of pop culture and blow off anyone who he considers to be "mainstream." It is someone who pretends to rebel just for the sake of rebelling, because suddenly it's "cool" to, as the joke bluntly says, "stick it to the man."

Also, according to this joke, a true hipster ONLY likes things that no one else has heard of, and if he ever admits to liking something that someone else has heard of, it is "ironic." Tell me, how does one "ironically" like Beyonce Knowles? "Oh, man, it's so ironic that I like Beyonce, considering that I'm a straight teenage guy!" How in the flying hell is that remotely ironic? And that's coming from a person who has misused the word "ironic" AT LEAST three times since starting this blog. You know if I spot it, it HAS to be blatant misuse--I wouldn't recognize it otherwise.

So with all that in mind, hipsters are rich, rude, careless, selfish, and--let's just say what everyone is thinking, shall we?--pathetic.

No. Not cool. I refuse to accept that definition.

Sorry for yet another mini-history lesson, guys, but here it is: Back in the 1950s, when truly brilliant writers and musicians stood up and said, "We don't have to do things your way," they were not doing it because it was "cool." They were not rebelling for the sake of rebelling. They were rebelling because it meant something to them. They were doing what they loved because they wanted to, not because it was suddenly "the thing" to be a poet or a musician or a starving artist. Back then, a "starving artist" was not a good thing to be. Artists--particularly women artists--were ridiculed, considered neurotic and crazy and all kinds of other "bad" things.

Back then, you see, there was no "hipster code." You could not tell by the presence of skinny jeans and plaid flannel shirts whether or not one was a member of the counterculture. You could tell by what they did, instead of what they wore. You could hear it in the way they spoke, in the way they wrote. They were the "mad ones" that Jack Kerouac wrote about in On the Road. They did not obsess over who liked what. They did not keep careful tabs on what was "hot" and then make sure that neither they nor anyone they spent time with liked any of it. They were natural misfits, people whose tastes simply ran to things that the majority did not appreciate.

These days, "hipster" comes with a code of conduct. It's not enough to simply have different tastes; you have to have a "look" to be a hipster: tight faded jeans, plaid button-down shirts, long earth-colored skirts, hideous-print scarves, battered sneakers or earth-tone sandals, jewelry made from just about anything that one wouldn't generally use to make jewelry (paper clips, bolts, shells, safety pins, etc), and of course those damn glasses that are so huge and ridiculous they'd make Buddy Holly cringe.

And as if the uniform isn't enough, there has to be a uniform attitude as well, which can only be described as, I am so much better than you because I like things you've never heard of. And if, God forbid, someone happens to like the same thing as a modern "hipster," it is immediately deemed mainstream or sold-out and the "hipster" cannot like it anymore. Period. Regardless of how good it is.

And why? I understand wanting to be unique. Really. I do. I have this thing about obtaining things that no one else will have (and, quite honestly, most of the time no one else would want them anyway). This blog, you understand, is written by a girl who owns rain boots designed to look like Converse hi-tops and shops at the same stores as her mother. I know that most of the mainstream, top-40 music quite frankly sucks, and I frequently raid my dad's music collection or scour YouTube for independent garage bands. And what kind of filmmaker would I be if I didn't spend a fair chunk of my time watching, reviewing, and making independent films?

But here's the catch: If someone, heaven forbid, actually likes the same things that I do, I don't immediately disown the things I like. If there is a rare book that I read, or a rare film that I love, and I meet someone who loves it as much as I do, I welcome that person with open arms. I frequently IM and email my friends, telling them that they have to read this book/hear this band/see this movie/go to this website. I don't take it as a personal insult if someone happens to have heard of some obscure blog that I follow religiously, or if someone excitedly begins to tell me about this "new" band they heard last night that I've been listening to for years.

So, with all that in mind, will my hipster card be revoked? I don't think it should be. I think that what the beatniks of the 1950s wanted above all else was to be comfortable with themselves--not to shout in the faces of everyone who wasn't as "mature" or "independent" as they were. In my opinion, a true nonconformist--whether you want to call it a beatnik, hippie, hipster, or just plain weirdo--loves what they love and doesn't care what anyone else thinks.

Hipsters were not meant to be snobs, everyone. Let's stop treating them like they are, and maybe--just maybe--they won't feel the need to act like that.

So, one of my best friends in the world has begun a new thing called the Cyrano Project. And you should check it out, because it is amazing. I'd do something irrational, like refuse to blog again until at least five people check it out--but I won't be that mean. Instead, I'll provide you with the link (see above) so you really have no excuse to NOT check it out. Trust me. No hopeless romantic should go without at least checking this amazing blog out. (And you really should hire her. Because if I had someone to write love letters to, I would.)

And now, lovelies, I'm going to be extremely cheesy and promote my own movie, called He's A Rockstar, and beg you all to check out the Facebook page. YouTube has decided that it hates me, so unfortunately a trailer/reel is out of the question at the moment...but I'll get it to upload. Soon. I promise.

He's A Rockstar website

STOLEN DIALOGUE

Person one: 'Feeling up your moles?' That's kind of creepy...

Person two: I know, right?

Person one: A keysmash is worth a thousand words.

Person two: Indeed!

Person one: We'll come in fall and play hide-and-seek with mooning scarecrows. Sound good?

Person two: That is one of the most wonderfully-phrased propositions I've ever heard. I accept.

"You can take the misfits out of Interlochen, but you can't take Interlochen out of the misfits."

Person one: My flight was delayed.

Person two: Shit.

Person one: My sediments exactly.

Person two: Sediments? Please don't leave any 'sediments' on the ground.

"He's a handy-looking guy, isn't he? This guy without a nose..."

"I'm not flying that week. That week is notoriously notorious for being...notorious. It's not as notorious as whatever's on this butter dish, but it's pretty damn close."

"Just give the bastard nine bucks, see what happens."

"I suggested to your dad that we rent a Jeep, and he goes, 'What? A JEEP?!' like he's never heard of one before!"

"I've only gotten forty-nine miles to the gallon this trip...because I've been driving like a lunatic."

"A girl's first cloche is something to be celebrated."

"I'd like to stay in the cabin where we shot my thesis...at least we know there aren't any unidentifiable ecosystems in there."

"I can tell I'm in a bad neighborhood...I just passed a Church of Christ. I better get out of here."

BOOK IT!

I love reading. (Insert "Duh!" here.) I love reading entirely too much for a filmmaker. I should be watching movie after movie. And don't get me wrong, I watch plenty of movies, too. But I learned to read when I was four years old, and ever since then I've been an official Devourer of Books. Why, some people ask, do I love to read so much? Many reasons, most of them sounding more like apple-polishing pleas for adult approval than actual truth. But I assure you, these reasons are the truth.

There's just something so magical about curling up with a book and some chocolate on a stormy day and losing yourself in a magical land--be it Hogwarts, Alagaësia, Never Land, Terabithia, Transylvania, or Narnia--or another time (my personal favorite is 19th-century Europe, but any foreign country or different time has potential). There have been times when I've sworn that my best friend was Eoin Colfer or Beverly Cleary--or, of course, the unbeatable J.K. Rowling. You just can't get that kind of intimacy from a movie. That's not to say you get nothing from movies--I'd be a pretty terrible director if I went around saying things like that--but you get a different kind of intimacy from movies, and that's only good movies. (I have yet to feel any kind of personal bond with anything that Michael Bay has directed. Yes, even though he's used some of my favorite actors. Sorry, Bay-Man, just not feeling the love there.)

Here's the thing: When you read a book, there is some little part of it that becomes inarguably yours. The characters and places look just the way you imagine them to look, regardless of the author's description. There is always that one character who you can't help but identify with, and sometimes you want to identify with them and sometimes you don't, but invariably you do whether you want to or not. You can picture the battle scenes or love scenes just the way you want to, without a pretentious director or MPAA ratings board to get in the way.

Does this still sound like I'm dumping on movies? I'm not. I write and direct movies, for Pete's sake! I want to be a professional filmmaker! Why would I dump on movies? I'm just saying, having grown up as a reader, there will always be some part of me that refuses to accept that it's impossible for books to solve everything...and I will never, ever stop ranting at the inept directors and producers who ruin my favorite books when they make botched attempts to turn them into movies. If you're going to make a book into a movie, for the love of all that's holy, do it right.

That little rant now being officially over, I have a new summer reading guide for anyone who reads this blog. Don't freak out, it's not for a grade. (Sorry, couldn't resist.) These are some books I've read (and, in some cases, re-read) this summer, in varying moods and conditions, and if you can read even just one or two of these before you head back to school or off to college, you should. I've even broken them down by occasion! Check it out:

If you're looking for adventure, read... The Peter and the Starcatchers series by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson

Why: Why NOT should be the question! Read as a stand-alone or as a prequel to Peter Pan, these books--Peter and the Starcatchers, Peter and the Shadow Thieves, Peter and the Secret of Rundoon, and Peter and the Sword of Mercy--are nothing short of absolutely amazing. I don't care if you're twelve (the age I was when I first started reading these epic books) or eighteen (guess how old I am now?) or, hell, even forty (*coughPARENTScoughcough*), you will fall in love with Peter, Molly, Leonard, Fighting Prawn (yes, that IS the character's actual name), Ammm, and even the villainous Black Stache, First Officer Slank, and would-be evil assistants Mr. Smee and Little Richard. Oh, and P.S.--if Mr. Grin and Lord Ombra don't scare you half to death, you are either comatose or inhuman. (Or you are Lord Ombra yourself, in which case I must ask you, why in the hell are you reading a human girl's blog?)

If you're feeling nostalgic, read... Sisterhood Everlasting by Ann Brashares

Why: If The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was among your first set of young adult books (and yes, I do belong in that camp of young women), and you fell in love with Tibby, Carmen, Lena, and Bridget from the first page, this book will not disappoint...unless your favorite character is Tibby, in which case be prepared to cry your eyes out (mainly because she has literally no dialogue in the entire novel, and we only hear about her through flashbacks). But seeing the Sisterhood at thirty is every bit as captivating as seeing them at fifteen, and I tell you this much, it was worth the wait (and the terrible fan fiction in the interim) to see our girls all grown up.

If you're feeling frustrated, read... The Airman by Eoin Colfer

Why: Eoin Colfer is a genius. We know this. But here's why Airman is literally the best thing that he has ever written (excluding the first Artemis Fowl book, because we all know that saying ANYTHING is better than that pretty much amounts to blasphemy). Airman is a classic story of ambition, treachery, and mistaken identity...with a twist. The villain of this book is a master mindf**ker. Honestly, you do not want to mess with this guy, or he will make you think that your son is dead or that your father considers you a traitor. You will cry (if you're a girl), throw the book (if you're a boy), root for Conor (if you're human), and laugh your ass off (if you appreciate Colfer's sense of humor).

If you love a good mystery, read... The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

Why: Chances are, by this time you're shaking your head, because really, what Colfer-loving girl would recommend something as dark as The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo? But it's amazing, it really is. This is a murder mystery to beat all murder mysteries. The twist ending alone is worth the entire book--but thankfully, that's not the only attribute. Anyone who reads this book will envy, pity, and admire Lisbeth Salander in equal amounts. I know I did...and that was just after seeing the film. The book is even better. Trust me.

If you love Shakespeare, read... Something Rotten by Alan Gratz

Why: I know most modernizations of Shakespeare end up making everyone involved look ridiculous. (Yes, Stephanie Meyer, I'm looking at you as you shamelessly rip off The Merchant of Venice and Romeo and Juliet.) But Something Rotten does not belittle the Bard or make the author look like a fool working on a high-school English project. It makes Hamlet perfectly believable as a modern story. And, yes, the ending IS slightly changed--but you really can't have every single character die in a first-person novel, can you? Someone has to be alive to tell you how the story ends...and I'd better shut up before I give the whole thing away.

If you're looking for a good romance, read... Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

Why: Because it's classic and beautiful. End of story.

...

Oh, fine. I'll explain further. I'll explain how one night, I stayed up until four AM reading this book even though I already knew how it ended, because it was just that freaking good. I'll explain that my best friend and her lover resemble Rochester and Jane so much that it's actually quite unnerving. I'll explain that I was fed up with Gothic literature until I read this book. There. Is that enough to entice you to read it, or will I have to go into my long analysis of how it would be better for everyone if Rochester had just told Jane his secret from the start?

If you're sad about the end of the Harry Potter books, read... The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Why: You will fall in love with Katniss Everdeen right from the start. Yes, I know this book has been compared to Twilight. I know it has been endorsed by Stephanie Meyer. But I'm telling you, Katniss would eat Bella Swan for breakfast, have Edward for dessert, and then tell Jacob to stop whining, man up, and help her hunt. You have to admire her courage, her tenacity, and her undying loyalty to her family and friends. To quote the single decent line from the otherwise-crappy Eragon movie: "That's the spirit...one part brave, three parts fool."

If you're a chick-lit fan and proud of it, read... The Season by Sarah MacLean

Why: Yes, it's straight-up historical chick-lit. But it's good. If you're looking for a good, old-fashioned romance mixed with a good old-fashioned murder mystery, this is the book for you. If you're looking for a guilty pleasure that doesn't smack of Twilight, look no further. The Season is the perfect book to hide behind your math textbook in class (do people even still do that, or do we all just text under the desk nowadays?).

If you're bored, read... A Cold Day in Paradise by Steve Hamilton

Why: This is the book that started it all. And by "all," I mean the brilliant-beyond-brilliant Alex McKnight mystery series. (Yes, I know I'm a murder-mystery whore...we'll get to that later.) Alex McKnight is so rough-and-tumble you can't help but picture Denis Leary (or Hugh Laurie as Dr. House, whichever you prefer) when you read his character description, with a heart of gold and a tendency to royally screw things up with the slightest misstep. He's the anti-hero you can't help but root for, and Steve Hamilton is a kick-ass writer with one hell of a knack for suspense. If you're bored, you won't be after you read this. It's a win-win.

If you love sci-fi, read... Future Eden by Colin Thompson

Why: I read this book six years ago and have never, ever gotten tired of it since. The heroine is a TALKING CHICKEN, for Pete's sake. How is that NOT awesome? I mean, come on...a TALKING CHICKEN has to SAVE HUMANITY. You can't beat that. And just so you have no excuse NOT to read this in-freaking-credible book...

Future Eden e-book

Have fun, my lovelies! ;)

Also...on a parting note...does the fact that I want to walk into my first day of McDaniel orientation wearing this outfit mean that there's something wrong with me? Just wondering...