BOOK IT!

I love reading. (Insert "Duh!" here.) I love reading entirely too much for a filmmaker. I should be watching movie after movie. And don't get me wrong, I watch plenty of movies, too. But I learned to read when I was four years old, and ever since then I've been an official Devourer of Books. Why, some people ask, do I love to read so much? Many reasons, most of them sounding more like apple-polishing pleas for adult approval than actual truth. But I assure you, these reasons are the truth.

There's just something so magical about curling up with a book and some chocolate on a stormy day and losing yourself in a magical land--be it Hogwarts, Alagaësia, Never Land, Terabithia, Transylvania, or Narnia--or another time (my personal favorite is 19th-century Europe, but any foreign country or different time has potential). There have been times when I've sworn that my best friend was Eoin Colfer or Beverly Cleary--or, of course, the unbeatable J.K. Rowling. You just can't get that kind of intimacy from a movie. That's not to say you get nothing from movies--I'd be a pretty terrible director if I went around saying things like that--but you get a different kind of intimacy from movies, and that's only good movies. (I have yet to feel any kind of personal bond with anything that Michael Bay has directed. Yes, even though he's used some of my favorite actors. Sorry, Bay-Man, just not feeling the love there.)

Here's the thing: When you read a book, there is some little part of it that becomes inarguably yours. The characters and places look just the way you imagine them to look, regardless of the author's description. There is always that one character who you can't help but identify with, and sometimes you want to identify with them and sometimes you don't, but invariably you do whether you want to or not. You can picture the battle scenes or love scenes just the way you want to, without a pretentious director or MPAA ratings board to get in the way.

Does this still sound like I'm dumping on movies? I'm not. I write and direct movies, for Pete's sake! I want to be a professional filmmaker! Why would I dump on movies? I'm just saying, having grown up as a reader, there will always be some part of me that refuses to accept that it's impossible for books to solve everything...and I will never, ever stop ranting at the inept directors and producers who ruin my favorite books when they make botched attempts to turn them into movies. If you're going to make a book into a movie, for the love of all that's holy, do it right.

That little rant now being officially over, I have a new summer reading guide for anyone who reads this blog. Don't freak out, it's not for a grade. (Sorry, couldn't resist.) These are some books I've read (and, in some cases, re-read) this summer, in varying moods and conditions, and if you can read even just one or two of these before you head back to school or off to college, you should. I've even broken them down by occasion! Check it out:

If you're looking for adventure, read... The Peter and the Starcatchers series by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson

Why: Why NOT should be the question! Read as a stand-alone or as a prequel to Peter Pan, these books--Peter and the Starcatchers, Peter and the Shadow Thieves, Peter and the Secret of Rundoon, and Peter and the Sword of Mercy--are nothing short of absolutely amazing. I don't care if you're twelve (the age I was when I first started reading these epic books) or eighteen (guess how old I am now?) or, hell, even forty (*coughPARENTScoughcough*), you will fall in love with Peter, Molly, Leonard, Fighting Prawn (yes, that IS the character's actual name), Ammm, and even the villainous Black Stache, First Officer Slank, and would-be evil assistants Mr. Smee and Little Richard. Oh, and P.S.--if Mr. Grin and Lord Ombra don't scare you half to death, you are either comatose or inhuman. (Or you are Lord Ombra yourself, in which case I must ask you, why in the hell are you reading a human girl's blog?)

If you're feeling nostalgic, read... Sisterhood Everlasting by Ann Brashares

Why: If The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was among your first set of young adult books (and yes, I do belong in that camp of young women), and you fell in love with Tibby, Carmen, Lena, and Bridget from the first page, this book will not disappoint...unless your favorite character is Tibby, in which case be prepared to cry your eyes out (mainly because she has literally no dialogue in the entire novel, and we only hear about her through flashbacks). But seeing the Sisterhood at thirty is every bit as captivating as seeing them at fifteen, and I tell you this much, it was worth the wait (and the terrible fan fiction in the interim) to see our girls all grown up.

If you're feeling frustrated, read... The Airman by Eoin Colfer

Why: Eoin Colfer is a genius. We know this. But here's why Airman is literally the best thing that he has ever written (excluding the first Artemis Fowl book, because we all know that saying ANYTHING is better than that pretty much amounts to blasphemy). Airman is a classic story of ambition, treachery, and mistaken identity...with a twist. The villain of this book is a master mindf**ker. Honestly, you do not want to mess with this guy, or he will make you think that your son is dead or that your father considers you a traitor. You will cry (if you're a girl), throw the book (if you're a boy), root for Conor (if you're human), and laugh your ass off (if you appreciate Colfer's sense of humor).

If you love a good mystery, read... The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

Why: Chances are, by this time you're shaking your head, because really, what Colfer-loving girl would recommend something as dark as The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo? But it's amazing, it really is. This is a murder mystery to beat all murder mysteries. The twist ending alone is worth the entire book--but thankfully, that's not the only attribute. Anyone who reads this book will envy, pity, and admire Lisbeth Salander in equal amounts. I know I did...and that was just after seeing the film. The book is even better. Trust me.

If you love Shakespeare, read... Something Rotten by Alan Gratz

Why: I know most modernizations of Shakespeare end up making everyone involved look ridiculous. (Yes, Stephanie Meyer, I'm looking at you as you shamelessly rip off The Merchant of Venice and Romeo and Juliet.) But Something Rotten does not belittle the Bard or make the author look like a fool working on a high-school English project. It makes Hamlet perfectly believable as a modern story. And, yes, the ending IS slightly changed--but you really can't have every single character die in a first-person novel, can you? Someone has to be alive to tell you how the story ends...and I'd better shut up before I give the whole thing away.

If you're looking for a good romance, read... Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

Why: Because it's classic and beautiful. End of story.

...

Oh, fine. I'll explain further. I'll explain how one night, I stayed up until four AM reading this book even though I already knew how it ended, because it was just that freaking good. I'll explain that my best friend and her lover resemble Rochester and Jane so much that it's actually quite unnerving. I'll explain that I was fed up with Gothic literature until I read this book. There. Is that enough to entice you to read it, or will I have to go into my long analysis of how it would be better for everyone if Rochester had just told Jane his secret from the start?

If you're sad about the end of the Harry Potter books, read... The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Why: You will fall in love with Katniss Everdeen right from the start. Yes, I know this book has been compared to Twilight. I know it has been endorsed by Stephanie Meyer. But I'm telling you, Katniss would eat Bella Swan for breakfast, have Edward for dessert, and then tell Jacob to stop whining, man up, and help her hunt. You have to admire her courage, her tenacity, and her undying loyalty to her family and friends. To quote the single decent line from the otherwise-crappy Eragon movie: "That's the spirit...one part brave, three parts fool."

If you're a chick-lit fan and proud of it, read... The Season by Sarah MacLean

Why: Yes, it's straight-up historical chick-lit. But it's good. If you're looking for a good, old-fashioned romance mixed with a good old-fashioned murder mystery, this is the book for you. If you're looking for a guilty pleasure that doesn't smack of Twilight, look no further. The Season is the perfect book to hide behind your math textbook in class (do people even still do that, or do we all just text under the desk nowadays?).

If you're bored, read... A Cold Day in Paradise by Steve Hamilton

Why: This is the book that started it all. And by "all," I mean the brilliant-beyond-brilliant Alex McKnight mystery series. (Yes, I know I'm a murder-mystery whore...we'll get to that later.) Alex McKnight is so rough-and-tumble you can't help but picture Denis Leary (or Hugh Laurie as Dr. House, whichever you prefer) when you read his character description, with a heart of gold and a tendency to royally screw things up with the slightest misstep. He's the anti-hero you can't help but root for, and Steve Hamilton is a kick-ass writer with one hell of a knack for suspense. If you're bored, you won't be after you read this. It's a win-win.

If you love sci-fi, read... Future Eden by Colin Thompson

Why: I read this book six years ago and have never, ever gotten tired of it since. The heroine is a TALKING CHICKEN, for Pete's sake. How is that NOT awesome? I mean, come on...a TALKING CHICKEN has to SAVE HUMANITY. You can't beat that. And just so you have no excuse NOT to read this in-freaking-credible book...

Future Eden e-book

Have fun, my lovelies! ;)

Also...on a parting note...does the fact that I want to walk into my first day of McDaniel orientation wearing this outfit mean that there's something wrong with me? Just wondering...

Let's Review, Class...

...and by review, I mean book reviews. Obviously.

Since it's summertime, I've spent roughly 50% of my time with my nose stuck in a book. I've read some good, some bad, and two that I think deserve a bit of special attention.

THE GOOD: The True Colors series by Melody Carlson, the Alice series by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, Something Rotten by Alan Gratz, Benny and Omar by Eoin Colfer, Luna by Julie Anne Peters, A Cold Day in Paradise by Steve Hamilton, ANYTHING by Laurie Halse Anderson (more on her later)

THE BAD: The Day I Killed James by Catherine Ryan Hyde (good idea, bad execution), The Supernaturalist by Eoin Colfer (sorry, Eoin...I tried to get into this one...I really did...just couldn't make it happen), The Host by Stephanie Meyer (to the person who told me this was a good book: YOU LIED, MADAM. YOU LIED.), and perhaps most disappointingly of all...

Larry and the Meaning of Life by Janet Tashjian.

*dies a little inside*

I am absolutely in love with Janet Tashjian's work. I mean, I will read anything that she has written. Put it in front of me, and I guarantee I will have it finished within a couple of hours. There aren't many authors I trust this absolutely--even my childhood heroine Beverly Cleary has had some definite hit-and-miss moments--but she is definitely one of them. I read The Gospel According to Larry and that was it, I was addicted. I went through everything of hers in my library. And when I found out that the third book in the Larry series, Larry and the Meaning of Life, had FINALLY gotten to my library, I squeed like a fangirl and snatched it up.

And promptly spent two hours wondering who in the hell had written this book and what she had done with Janet Tashjian, because this simply could NOT have been written by the same woman.

To recap, for those of you who don't know the story (POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD): Josh Swensen is your average teenage philosopher, with one secret: He is the head of a popular website called The Gospel According to Larry. One fan, betagold, decides to make discovering Larry's true identity her life's mission. Of course she succeeds, and all hell breaks loose. But that doesn't stop Josh from running for President in book two, Vote for Larry. But of course it's not that easy; someone is sabotaging him--and he thinks he might have a pretty good idea who it is. But in the heat of the moment he blames it on someone close to him, someone who would cut off her arm for him, with disastrous consequences.

Now, in Larry and the Meaning of Life, Josh/Larry is attempting to piece together his life after the insane events of the first two books, with minimal success. Without a project to work on, he begins to get depressed. His failed search for his ex-girlfriend Janine (the girl he wrongly accused of sabotaging him in Vote For Larry) hasn't exactly made things any better, so it's up to Josh's childhood best friend Beth to help him get off the couch and back into the game...but she has a bit of a strange way of accomplishing this.

(WARNING: INSANE SPOILERS AHEAD. READ WITH CAUTION, UNLESS YOU'VE ALREADY READ THE SERIES.)

From the beginning things were screwy. In book one, Josh is a firecracker, willing to put everything he has on the line to get his message out and make the world a better place. In book two, he willingly comes out of hiding to run for president, event though he knows going in that he's going to get his ass kicked. And then here we are in book three, where our rebellious hero can't get his ass off his living-room couch.

*facepalm*

I'm not going to lie--it didn't seem like a great opening for the book. But I had faith in JT, and I kept reading, because so far I've never been let down by one of her books. Within the first couple of chapters, things started to pick up. Josh meets a sketchy guru named Gus, and starts to try to pick up the pieces--and I started thinking, "YES! Now THERE is the Josh that I know and love!" or, more accurately, "Now THERE is the Janet I know and love!" I was excited, especially when Janine, who was one of my favorite characters from the past two books, showed up at the end of one of the first chapters--I thought, "Okay, I see where this is going. He'll try to win her back, she'll be cold at first, but when she sees how sincere he is, she'll come back to him and everything will be fine and they'll save the world together."

Oh, how wrong I was.

Now, let me just say, I understand what the author was trying to do, because I've seen her pull off this very trick before: She was trying to create a direct path to WTF Land and drag Josh straight down it, but at the same time leave clues for the readers, indications that something bigger was going on. Theoretically, if this is done correctly (as it was in the first two books), you should either reach a crucial twist and smack yourself, saying, "WHY DIDN'T I SEE THAT BEFORE?" or you should come to a crucial twist, gasp, throw the book in the air, and cry, "I SURE AS HELL DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!" and then realize later that she cleverly foreshadowed it.

That's what I thought was going on, and I eagerly began searching for those "plants." I thought that Gus would turn out to be a father-figure, or that he would be in league with betagold, or that he would be the catalyst for something that had happened in one of the first two books. As it turns out, I was two-thirds right--but in ways that were so incredibly wrong that I actually cried in disappointment after I finished the book.

~MAJOR SPOILER COMING UP~

Every single person in the book was breathtakingly out-of-character, most of all Josh's nemesis betagold. I'm sorry, but WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? You don't just say, "Hmm, I chased this kid for two years, hell-bent on revealing his identity and hell-bent on destroying his campaign, but you know what, when his best friend comes to me and asks me to help him, I'm just going to say, 'Ooh, okay!' and then, after that's done, I think maybe I'll just attempt suicide to round off the novel as confusingly as possible..." NO! THAT IS NOT HOW IT HAPPENS!

As for Beth, what in the blue hell happened there? She's a college student with no time on her hands, and yet she has the means to create an entire alternate reality just to get Josh up off the couch? You know what my friends do to get me off the couch? They call me and say, "Hey, idiot, quit sulking. Come play hide-and-seek with us." Or if it's because I'm down, like Josh was in this book, "Do you want to talk about it? Let me help." They don't say, "Oh, I HAVE AN IDEA, I'm going to create a PARALLEL REALITY just so that my best friend snaps out of it!" Sorry, but this was waaay too unrealistic, even for the Larry universe.

Normally I would excuse things like that. No, really, I would. Despite the enormous OOC moments in the Harry Potter books, I still manage to enjoy those...BECAUSE THOSE BOOKS DON'T HAVE COP-OUT ENDINGS. According to Junior Library Guild, "What begins as a harmless Thoreau-esque search for meaning soon turns into Josh's most chaotic and profound adventure yet." I'm sorry, did I miss something? There is nothing profound--except maybe profoundly ridiculous--about your best friend creating an alternate reality for you. What kept me turning the pages was the incredible, fast-paced nature that carried over from the last two books (this is one of the few things that didn't disappoint me), but at the end, I was more than just disappointed. I was pissed off.

Here's the crux: The plot kept me on the edge of my seat. The moral conundrums--for instance, Josh having to donate a kidney to betagold because it might save her life even though they have been enemies in the past--were pure, classic Tashjian, all the way. Oh, there were moments of WTF-Land-Inc--like when Brady is euthanized after allegedly biting a policeman's son, and Janine blames Josh for the whole incident--but again, that's just the author's style, and even though it was more exaggerated than usual, I went with it. Some of the moments were downright nail-biting--the uncovering of the conspiracy to fill Walden Pond with landmines, featuring betagold as a potential suicide bomber was even more tense than the three-way presidential race in Vote For Larry.

But the ending was, as I said, a cop-out. You go through the whole book with a sense of detached danger, a feeling that everything is about to blow up (literally and figuratively) in front of Josh, a feeling that everything is spiraling out of control. But in the end you discover, along with Josh, that everything was a hoax. Not a single event after chapter two was real. It's part Claire Voyant and part Punk'd. Beth engineered the whole thing, just to shake Josh up.

Now, if I were Josh and I found out that my friend had done this to me, I would probably not forgive her instantly. But guess what Josh does? Yup, that's right, forgives her instantly. No problem, honey, I don't mind that you scared me half to death multiple times, put me under anesthesia for no reason, joined forces with a woman who once nearly killed me, caused unnecessary tension between me and my stepfather, and gave me reason to think that the girl I love is involved in a terrorist conspiracy...because, hey, IT WAS ALL FOR A GOOD CAUSE.

That's just it, though--there is no good cause in this book. The Gospel According to Larryhooked me because it was about a young kid trying and continually failing to make the world a better place. Vote For Larry won me over because it was about an eighteen-year-old kid running for President of the United Staes against astronomical odds, again so that he could change things for the better. But Larry and the Meaning of Life takes the Josh Swensen that we all fell in love with and completely throws him under the bus.

And it all could have been so much better! Instead of creating a huge hoax, why couldn't Beth have found a way to help Josh get re-involved in what he does best--trying, in his own quirky way, to save the world? Now that is something I could have enjoyed reading about.

Oh, and as if that's not enough? betagold's random suicide attempt at the end just made me throw the book across the room in frustration. Ms. Tashjian, I'm sorry to say that if you were trying to make me feel sympathy for this woman, you failed. But if you were trying to confuse me, frustrate me, and make me wonder why on earth you had to include THIS PARTICULAR SCENE, hey, congrats, you succeeded!

One last thing...that whole Beth/Josh/Janine love triangle that started last time? Yeah...it STILL remains unresolved. I could buy it at the end of Vote For Larry. I really could. But this time, it's just plain annoying. The "I loved you once but now you're different and I don't know if I still can" horse has been beaten to death so many times, both in this series and in literature in general. Part of the reason that I love Tashjian's books is because they avoid the clichés of common teen lit. But the end of this book, as far as Josh and the Beth/Janine debate is concerned, is so full of cliché that I wanted to scream.

Janet Tashjian, I absolutely love your work. I really do. But I was painfully disappointed byLarry and the Meaning of Life. I could read and re-read most of your books over and over again, but I think this one is destined to fall squarely into the category of checked-out-once-and-never-bothered-with-again. And that is a real shame, because like I said...you are at the top of my list of favorites. Please, please, please win me back over...write another Larry book and prove that somewhere in there, the characters that charmed me in The Gospel According To Larry still exist.

Love,

your concerned (but still hopeful) fan, Beatnik Belle.

~SPOILERS (and melodrama) END HERE!~

Now, as it happens, in the very same week that I read the disappointment that was Larry and the Meaning of Life, I snagged another book from the library called Twisted, by Laurie Halse Anderson.

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Holy freaking crap.

Can you say "really flipping awesome?" Because that's what this book is, in a nutshell.

I can't describe this book. I really can't. But I'm going to try, because hopefully this will convince you to read the book, and EVERYONE needs to read this book--ESPECIALLY my generation. Class of 2011--hell, class of 2015--READ THIS BOOK.

Why?

Because this book is proof that there ARE adults who understand. There is a forty-nine-year-old woman who is not only a hard-core EXPERT on high-school girls (understandable, seeing as she was one once), but gets into the head of a teenage boy so well that you'd swear the book was actually written by a teenage boy. This is not an everyday occurrence. Believe me, I know plenty of fortysomething women who can't even get into the head of a teenage girl (I speak from personal experience on that one!), let alone a teenage boy. (coughcoughHIGHSCHOOLFAIRYTALESTEACHERcoughcough)

Basically, in Twisted, high school senior Tyler finds his reputation completely changed after he commits a "foul deed" that earns him a probation officer and mandatory community service. His crush Bethany, the popular daughter of his father's boss, decides that he is officially date-worthy, only to wind up getting him in a load of trouble when nude pictures of her at a boozed-up party surface on the internet.

Now, just from the summary, you wouldn't think this would be anything out of the ordinary. But that's just it--I didn't read the summary. I picked up this book in the library because the cover caught my eye. I opened it up to read the inside flap, and all it said was, "Everybody told me to be a man. Nobody told me how." The reviews on the back also gave away very little about the plot--but they raved about the book itself. Intrigued, I took it home and read the first three pages, and by the end of the second chapter (about the eighth page of the book), that was it--I was officially hooked.

What draws me to Twisted so much is that I feel like I know Tyler, after only reading a few pages. Not every author can take a character like this and, within ten pages, make the reader feel as if they've known this person since grade school. Now make no mistake, I do know a few "real-life" Tylers--in fact, as soon as I read his description, one of my friends popped into my head and stayed there for the rest of the book--but that's not the real reason why it takes such a short time for him to become familiar.

No, that is because Tyler has a brilliant knack for putting into words every single thought that every teenager in a situation like his has ever had, every feeling that a teenager has ever felt, good, bad, or indifferent. Submitted for your consideration:

"My alarm went off at five the next morning. My first thought: It was a bad dream. My second thought: No, it wasn't. My third thought: Crap." (p. 22)

"A lot of kids would tell you that being taken away in a squad car was the coolest thing I'd ever done." (p. 45)

"Meet my father: Corporate Tool." (p. 5)

"The girls kept getting pissed. An almost-naked hottie would strut down the hall, butt swaying side to side, top of her underwear peeking out of her shorts, hair flowing down her back, jewelry in her belly button, boobs spilling out of her top, big smile, and what would happen? Every guy she'd walk by would say something crude. Or whistle. Or pant or moan or follow her. And she'd get pissed. Well, duh." (p. 62-63)

"Again with the clean-nose thing. Authority figures ha a pathological fear of boogers, that's how I saw it." (p. 83)

"I cried like maybe it might help something. It didn't." (p. 133)

"Breathe. Just keep breathing. And kill the first thing you can get your hands on." (p. 69)

"She was an innocent, a freshman, one of the sad believers who thought high school was where they would be popular and smart and happy--above all, happy....The enlightened ones--the wounded sophomores, jaded juniors, and wise seniors--we trudged to the door, a prison gang so beaten-down we didn't need ankle shackles." (p. 44)

I swear to God. This woman is a genius.

This is not teen lit. This is not chick lit (God forbid). This is something that I can relate to, that I'm willing to bet about 95% of my friends could relate to, that I'm willing to bet almost every teenager on the planet could relate to. You don't have to have Tyler's situation to understand how he's feeling. As adolescents, we have ALL felt that hopelessness, that irritation, that joy, that desire. (Even if we don't always want to admit it.) If there is someone who can't relate to at least something in this book...then his name is probably either Joe Jonas or Justin Bieber. (Kidding, of course...sort of, anyway...)

Since getting this book from the library about three weeks ago, I have read it so many times I'm surprised the spine hasn't fallen apart yet. I have memorized my favorite passages, right down to the page numbers. If they make this book into a movie, I want to be the one to direct it. I have the perfect cast in mind, comprised of both people I know personally and the actors from my favorite movies. I would have Laurie Halse Anderson herself write the script.

Now, I know that won't happen, because a) I haven't even been to college yet, and by the time I get out it'll probably already have been made, and b) I'm not that lucky. BUT. Someday I will make a movie that will have something in common with this book. Maybe it will have a leading male character like Tyler--someone who, in spite of the fact that he has the worst luck in the world, still contrives to be a good kid. Maybe it will have the same sort of storyline--a down-on-their-luck teenager trying to hack it in the real world. Maybe it'll just have that same tone, that Louis Sachar-esque black-comedy-meets-total-realism sort of feel.

Whatever it is, you can bet that if (BIG IF *crosses fingers*) I ever have the chance to give an acceptance speech after winning an award for that movie, the first person I thank will be the woman who wrote this incredible, honest, raw, all-kinds-of-inspiring novel.

I think I have a new obsession.