Look How Far We've Come...

Last summer, before entering my senior year, I wrote a post about how I felt before and after high school...without actually having left high school. Good going, Beatnik Belle. So I realized when I sat down to write this post that I had already said much of what I wanted to say, about how I've changed and how I've seen things changing around me. So what the hell am I supposed to write about?

I remember back at the beginning of the school year, how excited I was to be a senior until I realized that roughly 70% of my friends had scattered off to college. As I told my friend Miles, an underclassman, "The first week you come back, you'll miss everyone and you won't want to talk to any of the newbies; you'll just cling to the people you know. The second week, you'll start to make new friends and start to forget the graduates, and by the third week you'll have a whole new crew of people who you love as much as, if not more than, the people who left." That's so true--but now I'm worried that my underclassman friends will forget me, just like I was worried that my graduating friends would forget me last year. (For the record, they didn't. Not the truly amazing ones, anyway--you know who you are. <3)

Interlochen underclassmen, if any of you read this, here is something that you need to know, right now, depressing as it is: You will not retain every single friend you make at this school. Out of everyone you meet here, there will perhaps be a few people--a few really amazing people--who you will be friends with after you graduate or after they graduate. But here's the good news: After awhile, you won't miss them as much, because the people you really love will be the ones who stick with you, and who you will want to stick with. (Yes, I KNOW that sentence was not grammatically correct. Give me a break, I'm trying to pack, burn DVDs, write letters, and blog all at the same time here.)

There are people at this school who I love, there are people who I like, people who I dislike, people who I couldn't live without, and people who I wish would fall into the nearest active volcano. I will remember them all--but who knows how many will actually stay in contact? Only time will tell...but I've got a feeling I know who I will never let go.

And the amazing thing is...I graduated yesterday. I actually graduated high school yesterday. Wow. Isn't this where I'm supposed to freak out about college and growing up and leaving home and getting a job? Because that hasn't happened yet...

I expected that I'd spend the entire day crying my eyes out. Didn't happen. I teared up a bit during the ceremony--one of the advantages of being at the back of the alphabet is that you get to watch all your friends get their diplomas first--but other than that my eyes stayed dry. For the most part, I was just freaking happy. I don't think I stopped smiling the entire day, even when I got teary-eyed during the commencement ceremony...I was just like, "Holy crap, I actually did it!" the entire day. I took about a thousand pictures. Didn't get a picture with everyone, unfortunately, but most of the friends I didn't get pictures with I already have pictures of (just pretend that sentence made sense, ok?), so that's not a tragedy. The important thing is, I have pictures of my best friends (you know who you are, and if you don't, you'll figure it out really fast...), so I'm good.

I spent the last night before graduation pretty much freaking the f-word out. I didn't get recognized in any way during Honors Convocation, so I wasn't too happy about that, and I freaked out over that, but recovered pretty quickly and went to the reception--for all of about five minutes--with Isaac and Morgan. My entire family had come up to see Festival, but they left after Convocation so I could spend one more night with my friends. There was a dance, which we ended up not going to; instead we shot the last scene of What's Left of You (thank you, Alex and Annie!) and then spent the half-hour or so before sign-in writing "Vive la résistance!" in rocks on the Osterlin mall...which was pretty epic...and then I went and cleaned the lobby in DeRoy. Fun.

Graduation day, I woke up at too-freakin'-early 0'clock to shower, do my hair, pack, and get everything ready before lining up in the concourse at 9:05 (of course I was late), so we could process at 9:30. It didn't feel like I was graduating; it felt like a dress rehearsal. It was only when my aunt popped out and started taking rolls of pictures that I realized, "Holy crap, this is real!"

I had Pomp and Circumstance stuck in my head for the remainder of the day, but other than that, graduation was epic. Like I said, I took about a few thousand photos, then I went and had lunch with my family (no more Stone food = HELL YEAH). After that it was off to my room to finish packing, with the assistance of my aunt, cousin, and parents (sorry guys), and THEN it was time to go home.

I posted on FaceBook today, "'Isn't it so weird to be home?' Well, no, it's not being home that's weird, it's knowing that I'm not going back to Interlochen when I leave." And that pretty much sums it up. This fall I'm going to McDaniel, and who knows what'll happen there?

There are some truly incredible people who I have to thank right now, for the amazing experiences I have had this year and for their help in making my last year of high school my best, and there are some senior year stories that I'd like to share with you. This is going to be another extremely personal (and probably waaay too long) blog post...so please bear with me, I promise the next one will be more fun, upbeat, and contain more stolen dialogue and Ben Busch quotes.

First off...my amazing parents. Mom and Dad...Wow. Wow, wow, wow. You did it. You let me go, you let me grow up. I know it's been hard on you guys for the last couple of years, with me getting progressively closer to adulthood, but you have held up so well. You were there with me every step of the way, helping with college apps and SAT prep, showing me new ways to get where I needed to go, and providing much-needed kicks in the butt every now and then. I love you so much and can't wait to spend the summer with you. Thank you, a million times, for everything you have done for me, both for these last two years and my entire life. <3

My best friend, Isaac...Yes, I know I say this way too much, but I honestly don't know how I would have made it through the year without you. Whether it was physics homework, unnecessary drama, Dead Poet stunts or a film shoot, you were right there every time I needed you. Thank you so much for being there for me all year, you have no idea how grateful I am for your friendship.

Travis...Oh my God. Oh my freaking God, where would I be without you? To say that you kicked ass this year would be an understatement of breathtaking proportions. You made my senior thesis brilliant and gave me a long-overdue wake-up call. You gave me a chance that I would not have had otherwise. Most importantly you were my friend, you were not just a collaborator who disappeared as soon as the shoot was over. Thank you so much for your time and your friendship, you made my senior year ten times better than it would have been.

Elizabeth...Holy crud muffins, it can't be the end of our amazing reign as Hottest Roommates already! I have never had a roommate like you before. No one has ever challenged me, confronted me, made me think as much as you have. With someone as blunt--but well-meaning and kind--as you as my roommate, I couldn't wallow--thank you for not enabling me. You have made me a stronger person, I have learned so much from you, and I will miss you like crazy next year. Thank you for being a great roommate and, more importantly, a great friend. <3

Mishka and Gustavo...Holy crud muffins, I love you both more than you can imagine. I was so afraid that I wouldn't see you back here for senior year--I have never been so happy to be wrong in all my life. You were the first true friends I made at IAA and I will never forget meeting you at that bonfire (talking about playwriting with Gus and stupid American boys with Mishka). I love our craziness and our adventures, but more importantly I love how close we are, how we can be insane with each other and not worry about image. Thank you for teaching me how to embrace my inner starving artist. VIVE LA RESISTANCE! <3

Morgan...You came just in the nick of time. Second-semester Physics would have trampled me had you not been there to remind me to lighten the f#$% up. Our inside joke list just keeps growing ("It takes less energy to jump over a two-meter hurdle...") and I want to keep it that way. Thank you for showing up when you did, for being an amazing friend, and for being the brilliant, hilarious person that you are. And when your hardest classes get you down next year, just remember...FMGWAC! ;)

Jamie...Yeah, it's me again. You keep saying you didn't do much--you don't know how untrue that is. You gave me a chance this year even after seeing me screw up last year. You saved my ass multiple times on both my junior and senior thesis shoots. You have no idea how much I look up to you. I have so much respect for you as both an MPA and a person. Thank you for all of your help this year, and keep up the amazingness at Arts Center and wherever you go from there.

Emily H-C...I didn't know you last year, and it turns out that I was really missing out. If there is a person who embodies "Vive la resistance," it's you. You are an individual. You are your own person and have no time for anyone who doesn't appreciate that. I will miss your wit, your perspective, and your bow ties. Thank you for letting me be one of your many partners-in-crime this year...and please, for the love of all that's holy, keep up that resistance!

Thomas...Wow. Holy crud muffins, OMG, Jesus H. Christ, all those other lovely things I say when I can't believe something's happening...and this time I can't believe how incredibly close we became in such a short period of time. Every single moment was epic--from Halloween to Holiday Dinner to MORP, from our college app nights to random dinner conversations to those nighttime walks with the Death Trap. Have fun in college, my spirit twin, I will miss you. <3

Miles...You are definitely my favorite caucasian MPA freshman day student. You were a brilliant art director and more importantly a brilliant friend. You listened to my tearful rants and were amazingly patient with both my crazy family and my incessant need for picture-taking (how many photos of you do I have now, exactly?), you knew what to say and when to say it and when to just shut up and let me whine. Thank you for being there when I needed you, and for helping to make my senior thesis beautiful.

Sheridan, Erin, Siddhartha, Harry, and Rowen...The most incredible cast I could have asked for. I loved working with you all so much and I'm so happy that we "clicked" the way we did. It was a weird, random cast (four theater majors and an MPA? whoa...) but we made it work, and I am so glad we did. Thank you so much, all of you, for doing such an amazing job and making my movie memorable.

Dani, Rachel, and Preston...Thank you for the music, the weirdness, the inside jokes, the randomness, the epicness, the smiles/laughs/awkward nervous giggles, and the overall awesomeness. I feel so lucky to have known and worked with you, thank you so much for sharing your talents and giving my film the "kick" it needed from your music.

Danny Daneau and Andy Hiss, my editing/directing teachers...There were so many times I felt like giving up this year. No, I was beyond giving up. I was at the just-throw-this-f**ker-in-the-trash phase with my thesis at multiple stages--you wouldn't let me do it. You said, "No, you're going to finish this film, and it is going to be amazing." From the first time I brought in my idea to the first screening, you were right there behind me, giving me that "What do you think you're doing?" look when I turned around, ready to give up. Thank you for not letting me stop until I succeeded.

Aaron...MPA Trifecta, indeed. When I tagged along you were always there to let me in. When I needed a production designer you were the first--and only--volunteer. When I screwed up, got kicked out of a production, needed a shoulder to cry on, needed a job to do, wanted out, wanted to leave the department, you were there with a hug and some distracting wordplay. Thank you for being my friend, colleague, and classmate...and for just being an amazing person.

Alex and Annie...I needed actors and you jumped at the chance. What's Left of You was an underground production with no budget, no backing, no assistance of any kind; any other actor would have given me a "What are you, on crack?" look, but not you two. You said, "When can we start?" Right up until the very last night of school--we shot the night before we graduated, for Pete's sake!--you were there, you were ready. Thank you so much for being part of my production, I literally could not have done it without you.

Mary-Carole...You are definitely much more than a study-party mate. Video games, fanfiction, watercolors, ranting, food service stalling, randomness, dance workout mocking...there was never a dull moment when we were hanging out. This year would have been incredibly boring without our chill-out sessions in DeRoy. Thanks for spicing up my year, I'm going to miss our dorm parties. Have fun next year starting your own resistance! :)

Krista T., my fellow Michigander...Every dance with you was my favorite, from the 90s dance to MORP. I have to say, you voice majors certainly know how to party ;) I'm incredibly lucky to have a friend like you, someone who knows how to have fun, someone who is up for anything (someone who didn't rat certain resistance members for their random activities...). You made my senior year special. I will miss you so much next year. YOU BETTER COME OVER THIS SUMMER, MISSY. <3

Finally, every single one of my friends from this year and last year--Leyla F., Keaton M., Connor E., Ethan C., Jeff K., Sarah B. and Anne C. (my suitemates!!), Josh A., Seneca S., Tressa G., Mick S., Theo E., Sam K., Michael M., Jess N., Danny R., Kylie C., Hannah F., Ruth and Rachel, Emily D., Sarah P., Mike H., Heidi and Camille, Wisty A., Ellie G., Mida C., Marco Z., Gus P., Johnny S., Ariel F., Lena J., Kelly C., Niki A., Colin C., Bonnie B., Annie G., Nic W., Geoffrey W., Pippa A., Rigo E., Nicole A., Zac C., Andrew W., and Julia H.; and anyone else who I may have (unintentionally) forgotten. I love you all and I will miss you so much, thank you for making my Interlochen experience incredible and memorable.

I've been home now for over 24 hours. I have cuddled with my parents (yes, I KNOW I'm technically too old to do that, but screw it, I might be a legal adult but I'm still their kid), gone grocery shopping, watched an amazing movie called Get Low (which everyone should see because it's brilliant), gone photo-crazy on FaceBook, gone through some McDaniel College stuff, gotten some mail, laughed hysterically over a friend's first-ever FaceBook status (because that's what you do when you love someone), edited some of my movie, done some laundry, and made another unsuccessful attempt to burn DVDs. (As always, it's Technology: 100, Beatnik Belle: 0. But it WILL happen. I swear, I WILL make those stupid DVDs work.)

And I've also made an executive decision concerning my blog, which includes good news and bad news.

The bad news: I will not start another blog now that I've graduated.

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The good news?

I'm continuing this one.

Why? Here's why: In plain English, I freaking love this blog. I'm not ready to sever my connection to Interlochen yet--flawed as it is, it's still one of the places I've come from and I don't care how many bumps I've run over along the way, I'm proud of that. And who knows, maybe in a few decades, I'll be sending my kids to Interlochen...who could tell? The point is, I'm not letting go of The Bubble just yet. I'm just not ready. And so, Alien Water Torture will continue.

Here's what this means, though--I'm going to get a bit more serious in terms of what I post. I'm going to start putting myself out here, because, hey, I've got people in freaking China following this blog, why not use that to my advantage. I can use this blog to promote the films I've made, the films and music my friends have made, the amazing artists I know (hence the Artist as Badass posts that ARE going to continue *crosses fingers*), and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

So hold on, AWT readers. We're going for a wild ride. I'm going to freaking college! I'm going into the world, and I'm taking you with me.

VIVE LA RÉSISTANCE!

Why, why, why, why, why?

I have gotten so many "whys" over the years about my love for film. Why would I do this? Why do I care so much about crew roles? Why don't I just give up and become an accountant or something "useful"? Why did I come to Interlochen? Why do I want to be in film? Why do I put up with so much BS from people and then complain about it later? Why do I want a career that forces me to put up with that BS?

Tonight answered all those questions and more. Tonight I found what I have been looking for all year.

I can't go into the details of why tonight was so incredible--not all of them, anyway. First of all, because I don't have the time; I want to do this before the internet shuts off at 12:00. Second, some of the reasons why tonight made the whole year perfect are too personal, yes, even for me, Miss Spill-Her-Guts-To-The-Internet-On-A-Weekly-Basis. But I can give the overview--and maybe this will answer some of those whys.

Tonight was the premiere screening for the MPA major. Translation: Tonight was the first time the public got to see our films. I will not sugarcoat it, ladies and gentlemen: I was scared out of my mind. Last year, my premiere was awful; I went back to my room and cried, not only because my film was universally misunderstood and people laughed at all the wrong parts, but because I had literally one other credit in the entire program. I was terrified that this year would be the same, that I would see my film and think of 2,000 things that I should have done differently.

I was wrong.

From the start, the audience was on my side. I had a brilliant cast and it showed. My crew went above and beyond, and that showed too. Everything, from the lighting to the acting to the props, was absolutely amazing. There is a reason that Possession failed--it sucked. It did not deserve to be praised, or, in my opinion, to be screened (at least not until it had been re-cut and the sound was decently mixed). But tonight I put out a film that I could be proud of, and I finally earned the respect from my fellow students that I have been craving all year. (This is where I want to go into more detail but can't. Suffice it to say that I have won over my toughest critic.)

And that was just my personal experience with my own film! But the others--the films made by people I have lived with, studied with, and worked with all year--blew me away. I cannot express how proud I am of the people in my major right now. There are people whom I have fought with on a weekly, sometimes daily, basis--right now, I love them as if they were my siblings. There are films that I thought would make me shoot myself if I had to see them rotate in workshop one more time--right now, I would happily watch them another thousand times.

This is one of the many things that I love about being a filmmaker, in this case a film student. You work at a film for weeks, months, sometimes years (but most of us at Interlochen haven't gotten there yet, thank God), until it makes you cringe, until you doubt every move you make concerning your film, until you honestly can't remember why you made this movie in the first place. You watch others' films in workshop until you're so sick of them that you want to slap whoever was stupid enough to think that was a good idea, or that was a good script, or that was a good cut. You hate your workshop and can't wait for it to be over.

And then on the night of the premier, you see them all over again. You go in there dreading the screening, for whatever reason. Maybe, like me, you're scared that your film won't go over well. Maybe you have something else that you could be doing, some friend that needs a shoulder to cry on, some assignment due the next day. Or maybe you're just plain sick of your classmates' films. Whatever it is, you just want to be anywhere but there...until the lights go down, and the films begin to screen, and the audience cheers, laughs, gasps, or cringes for the first time. And then, it's a whole other ballgame. You laugh with them. You cheer with them. You cry with them, gasp with them, cringe with them. You see the film through their eyes, and suddenly there is no place you'd rather be.

After the screening was over, the love-fest began. Hugging. Crying. Laughing. Proud friends, proud parents. Everyone loves us, everyone wants to tell us how much they love us. I had people I'd never met before coming up to me and telling me how great my film was. I saw people pointing, heard whispering. "Who made the film about the rockstar?" or "Which one is she?" But for most of this, I only had eyes for my friends, my classmates, the people who made my film possible.

There is a wonderful singer-songwriter by the name of Rachel G., who came to me after my film screened and told me that, by putting her song in my film, I made her dream come true. To which I responded that by allowing me to put her song in my film, she made my film a thousand times better than it could have been. She made my dream come true--my dream of making people happy with my art.

But there's more than that. Tonight I realized that I've been trying so hard all year to get respect from the people in my major, when I really had it all along. Maybe I didn't have as much as certain others. Maybe it didn't show the way I wanted it to. Maybe I still didn't get the jobs I wanted. But they did care, and had I been expelled or had I left for other reasons, they would have noticed.

All year I have cried, fought, wished, prayed, begged, demanded, cursed, and complained. All year I have done things that I am not proud of, things I wish I could take back, all because I wanted to be good, I wanted a taste of what some of my fellow MPAs were handed on a silver platter. And tonight I was given that taste, and I realized that I would go through these past nine months a thousand times, if it meant feeling like this, having this success.

Shout-outs--well-earned shout-outs--to everyone who made tonight possible, especially the following:

Mark U.

Mindy M.

Travis C.

Keaton M.

Elizabeth V.

Aaron T.

Miles C.

Jesse E-J

Tyler H.

Nicole A.

Jamie T-R

Theo E.

Kylie C.

Jeff K.

Connor E.

Connor B.

Jay F.

Mida C.

Colin C.

Bonnie B.

Pippa A.

Dani K.

Preston C.

Jarryd E.

Michael M.

Lesley T.

Andy H.

Danny D.

Isaac R.

Mary-Carole H.

Bill C.

Harry H.

Sarah B.

Anne C.

Sheridan S.

Erin J.

Siddhartha R.

Rowen K.

and EVERYONE who worked in the MPA productions tonight, this would never have happened without all of you.

I love you <3

Everything we know could change...will you remember my name?

There is a "syndrome" for every high school class except juniors and freshmen. The sophomore slump. The dreaded senioritis. And with boarding school, such as the one I attend now, there is the "freshman fifteen," but that doesn't really count seeing as most people here are first-years and get the "fifteen" whether they are freshmen or not.

So apparently, freshmen and juniors are perfect, while sophomores slump and seniors battle senioritis. Really? Dude, that's so whack.

Now, my freshman year was spent at home, doing online school. So I can't speak for the freshies, but trust me, NO year of high school is a picnic. And so today I shall talk about what faces every junior in every school...

I'm talking about when it just suddenly HITS YOU that your senior friends are GRADUATING. FOR REAL. And next year THEY WON'T BE HERE. They will be everywhere ranging from Ohio to fricking Europe. And chances are, you will never see some of these friends face-to-face again. And the worst part is, in the Interlochen case, you've only known some of these people for a year because they are first-year seniors or, in some cases, postgrads. And you love them--you really do--because somehow, here at Interlochen it is possible to love someone like they're your own sister or brother after only knowing them for seven months.

And of course the seniors are so happy to graduate they say things like, "Oh, it'll be okay, you'll still have [insert name of freshman, sophomore, or other junior here]." Or, "Maybe [insert name of senior here] will come back as a postgrad."

And the kicker comes most often from the adults in your life: "You can always make new friends."

At the risk of sounding like a little kid...

But they won't be the same!!!!!

Yes. I probably will make new friends. We all will make new friends. BUT THAT'S THE PROBLEM!!! No matter how many good friends I make, they will NEVER replace what I will lose at the end of this year.

Because you see, with close friends it's all about the, "do-you-remember-when."

"Seneca, do you rememver when you DPed my film and kept leaving the camera on at the worst--and by worst I really mean BEST--moments?"

"Josh, do you remember when we went to church together on the first weekend here?"

"Mishka, do you remember when you and Gus and I jumped into the snow by the Writing House?"

"Zac, do you remember trick-or-treating and the Halloween dance?"

"Andrew, do you remember rehearsing behind DeRoy and almost getting eaten by bugs?"

It goes on and on. I already miss them and they aren't even gone yet.

So I do what I can. For me, every day is "Hug-A-Senior" day. Every time I see one of my senior friends I stop what I'm doing and say hello and give them a hug. I plan to write "train letters" to my senior friends (camp alumni, you know what that is, right? Okay good). I make sure that anyone who I will not see next year knows that I love them and I will miss them.

I will get a webcam so I can Skype. I will write those letters and on graduation day, I will scream and cheer for every single friend, enemy, and unknown person who walks across that stage. I will savor every last moment of this year. And next year, I will kick ass in the name of every senior friend who has gone out into the world.



In place of stolen dialogue tonight: A few shout-outs to the seniors/postgrads who made this year memorable--

Josh A.
Zac C.
Mishka H.
Andrew W.
Seneca S.
Tressa G.
Jake F.
Beltran D.C.
Joshua E.
Isabella M.
Patrick C.
Paul M.
Jesse L.
Kimmy A.
Robyn L.
Jess N.
Erin F.
Connor S.
Graeme F.
Malcolm K.
Johnny M.
Rachel T.


I LOVE YOU GUYS. I WISH YOU LUCK AS YOU ALL GO INTO THE WORLD AND KICK ASS AT WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE TO DO!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3