The Quote Machine

Wow...wow, wow, wow. So I have epically failed...AGAIN.

Have I really only blogged once this month? Unfortunately, yes.

Have I skipped out on updating...AGAIN? Yes.

BUT. Is there anything to blog about around here? Not really, unless you all would like a thrilling episode of Beatnik Belle's Dad Does Laundry While Her Mother Curses at a Motorcyclist.

Still, is that an excuse? No. Should I stop bitching and just write about SOMETHING? Well, of course. When people stop bugging you for a blog post because they know it's useless to even try, you KNOW you've failed.

So no more fails, okay? Seriously, guys. It's okay to pester me. Hell, it's PREFERABLE for you to pester me--at least that way I don't have the option of saying, "Well, no one really misses it that much anyway." No one likes a kick in the pants and the lovely "BLOG OR ELSE" message...but, and I will only say this once, if I do one of my go-for-fifteen-days-without-so-much-as-a-stolen-dialogue-post things, NAG ME.

So what have I been doing the last...gulp...two weeks? Well, I wish I could say I was busy, but sadly, that's not the truth. The truth is I spent 50% of that time sick, 20% minus computer privileges, and 10% arguing with my parents over college and careers.

BUT. I have to blog about SOMETHING. And with nothing interesting of my own to say at the current time (don't blame me, I'm tired and I just drove 700 miles with my mother), I figured tonight's blog would be one big damn "Stolen Dialogue: The Extreme Edition." These might not necessarily be the funniest quotes in the world. On the flipside, they might not be the most inspirational. But they mean something to me, so I figured I'd share a few with you...if you aren't rolling your eyes and thinking, "What the heck is she doing?" by now.

So here it is (if you're interested): The Beatnik Belle Quote List--Stolen Dialogue, Quotes, Song Lyrics, and Whatever the Hell Else I Can Think Of.


THE QUOTES

"Why would you want to drive alone...When you can have the woman next to you in the car, cranking out non-stop updated traffic information? It's like having a brand-new radio station! You're listening to All Driving Complaints Radio...Busting YOUR balls from the driveway to the highway! You get all the great hits! 'Your exit's coming up'...'Your exit's coming up'...'Your exit's coming up'...'Your exit's coming up'...'Your exit's coming up'...And here's the sick, mean, twisted, unfair part: She drives like she's Ted Kennedy and the liquor store's closing in five minutes."--Richard Jeni

"If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with."--Michael Jackson (Yes, I HAD to put a quote of his in this blog.)

"A guy goes into a barber shop, all those pictures on the wall, says 'I'd like to look like HIM,' the barber can never go, 'Listen, you fat pig, he is a male model, YOU are a human sloth, you listening to me? You want to look like him, how about I start by trimming some of your fat face you porkadelic, you centerfold for Meat Magazine, you heaving humping hog of life...I don't mean that in a bad way."--Dom Irrera

"There's a very fine line between a groove and a rut; a fine line between eccentrics and people who are just plain nuts."--Christine Lavin

"You know, I didn’t get signed until I was 22 years old. And honestly I was working 60 hours a week just trying to make ends meet. Same with everyone else in the band. Trying to make rent, trying to stay alive. Still trying to tour in Duke’s mom’s mini-van on the weekends when we could. We understand how it is and we understand how hard it is if you don’t have help and you don’t have certain things that some people have."--Ronnie Winter

"Eighty percent of all Americans believe that angels are around us all the time. And who's to say they're wrong?"--Richard Jeni

Ed Wood: Mr. Weiss, I have never told anyone what I'm about to tell you, but I really want this job...I like to dress in women's clothing.
Weiss: Are you a fruit?
Ed Wood: No, not at all, I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.
Weiss: You're not a fruit.
Ed Wood: No, I'm all man, I even fought in WWII...course, I was wearing women's undergarments under my uniform.
--From the movie Ed Wood

"There is an innocence in admiration; it is found in those to whom it has never yet occurred that they, too, might be admired some day."--Friedrich Nietzsche

"If people make fun of you, it probably means you're doing something right."--Amy Lee

"I love sports. I love animals. I love kids. I want to save the world. So how do I combine all those things? I don't know."--Joan Jett

"I dream for a living."--Steven Spielberg

“They’re [the audience] saying to me, ‘Show us.’ And I know what’s coming next, and I say ‘doom.’ And therefore, that’s the avoidance of the cliché. They’re expecting the cliché, and I have to say, ‘We cannot have a cliché here.’”--Alfred Hitchcock

"I don't need a happy ending. I feel much happier coming out of a movie like Sid and Nancy than I do...Ghost or something. I feel like yes, I understand, and I love it and I get it, and because it acknowledges a certain way that I feel about life, I actually feel better. I see something like that, and it makes me happy."--Tim Burton

"Thanksgiving, it's like we didn't even TRY to come up with a tradition there! The tradition is, we overeat! 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just, uh, eat a lot? But we do that every day! All right...how about we eat a lot with people who annoy the hell out of us?'"--Jim Gaffigan



SONG LYRICS

Well she never was the best
At following the trends
Stayed one step above the rest
Even though it seemed like the world was crashing on her
Didn't let it hold her down
Didn't hold her back oh no, no
Don't worry, you'll show them...
--Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, "Seventeen ain't so sweet"

Walking around looking down, for something better
There's nothing better
Same old weird and familiar sound
Just you leaving town
My God, August came around--
Summer comes and leaves you with a fever
That you caught when you were young
Summer goes, makes you feel like life is real
And hanging on for more...
--The Almost, "Summer Summer"

I scream into the night for you
Don't make it true, don't jump
The lights will not guide you through
They're deceiving you, don't jump
Don't let memories go of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don't jump
--Tokio Hotel, "Don't Jump"

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
'Cause they're all wrong
And that last kiss I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes it harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling, who knew?
--Pink, "Who Knew"

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed
You said "Move on," where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know
--Katy Perry, "Thinking of You"

We all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop waiting you're one step closer
Don't stop searching it's not over, hold on
--Good Charlotte, "Hold On"

We're passing the time by breaking apart
We're damned at the end
And we're damned at the start
Blame it on the roses, blame it on the red
We're running out of time
And we're running out of breath
Saying, hey now we're bleeding for nothing
It's hard to breathe when you're standing on your own
We'll kill ourselves to find freedom
You'd kill yourself to find anything at all
--Augustana, "Hey Now"

I don't ever wanna see you again
Why oh why you wear sunglasses in the home
When the sun went down about an hour ago?
Why oh why you wear sunglasses in the home
When the sun went down about an hour ago?
Life should not be that way
Always up or down, never down and out
Dream of demons while you sleep
That make you stutter when you speak
Speak now or forever hold your peace, in pieces
--The Academy Is..., "Down and Out"



STOLEN DIALOGUE:

Person one: Mom, this pancake is brilliant!
Person two: Brilliant?
Person three: It's a very smart pancake.

"I cower in the safety of my own underpants."

Person one: Order now and get a third Snuggie!
Person two: What the heck would you do with three Snuggies?
Person one: Hey, I have two Snuggies at home!
Person three: Who thought up Snuggies, anyway? Some guy at home going, "My blanket is so complicated, how do I pick stuff up? Oh, I know--I'll REACH OUT!
Person one: They're not as stupid as they look! Okay, the pockets might be a bit much--
Person three: POCKETS?!

Person one: Hey, that's just like my camera...only mine doesn't have a GPS. Wow. When the hell would you need to put a GPS on a camera?
Person two: So you can find it, when you lose the damn thing.

Person one: What do you think of that car?
Person two (points to car): That one?
Person one: No, the other one.
Person two: The old ugly brown pickup truck?
Person two: Well, I guess I have my answer...

"I find that black ankle socks give me that extra VOOM in the morning, you know what I mean?"

"The bananas were exceptionally ripe today."

"That GPS is probably wondering why we bought it...because so far all you've done is ignore its instructions."

"How do you say that to someone? 'Hello, yes, I was just wondering if you turned my would-be boyfriend against me. Oh, by the way, how's the college prep coming?'"

"Today is a bad day. My ex-wife called me and I'm out of toilet paper."