My cinema teacher, Professor Slade, is quickly rivaling Danny Daneau for the position of "Best Teacher Ever." No joke. This is a man who made it clear from the start what his expectations of us were and what we could expect of him--I don't know many high-school teachers who will do that on the first day. Heck, neither of my other teachers at this college did that! He treats us like adults who want to learn, not kids who are here because we have to be. (The fact that he is my professor for my favorite subject may slightly influence this opinion, to be fair. But still.) Also. The title of this blog post is a direct quote from him. So that's cool too, right? ;)
TV Production is taught like we're actually a big-name TV studio--deadlines and all. We MUST put out a news broadcast EVERY week, no exceptions--which means that every student has to bring in a news story every week. Don't know yet what my script will be this week (I kind-of-sort-of-might-have stood up the person I was supposed to interview...not good. Long story short: don't get sick and pass out in your dorm room after class when you have to interview someone for class), but I know that I have absolutely no fears whatsoever about this class. I'm comfortable here, and not just because I've worked the crew-position rotations before. I love working with Slade--and I know I said that about my previous film teachers, some of whom turned out to be not-so-great, but I feel like this is going more like a Danny Daneau class than an Anthony Penta class. (Sorry, Anthony.)
Now, obviously, college kids are subject to all kinds of new experiences, some of which, like living in a dorm room, I thought I'd already experienced via Interlochen. WRONG. College, I quickly found out, is NOTHING like Interlochen. What's the difference, some of you ask? (Oh, you wonderful, naïve people...) Well...
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN COLLEGE AND INTERLOCHEN 101
IF A GUY COMES OUT OF YOUR ROOM...
At Interlochen: The statistical probability is that he is gay, and has just finished giving you a makeover or choosing your clothes for an event.
At college: The statistical probability is that you just had sex.
How I found this out: The hard way, pun not intended...one night, I decided to exercise the newfound freedom of having friends over whenever the hell I wanted, regardless of gender, and brought a guy friend to my room to hang out with me and my roommate. We chilled, we talked. I showed him He's A Rockstar and had a nice little read-along session of Cyrano de Bergerac. Then when he left, GUESS WHAT? A bunch of girls in the hall were looking at us weird, with that kind of expression that just screams Oh my God they just had sex! I had a what-the-hell moment, and then--embarrassment time!--he had to explain it to me!
IF YOU MISS A CLASS...
At Interlochen: All hell breaks loose. Well, not really, but that's what it feels like. You get detention, your teacher lectures you, and you get that lovely phone call with your worried parents, who are afraid that skipping one class will lead you down a path of death, destruction, and low grades.
At college: Quite simply, no one gives a damn. If you miss a class, it's your fault. No one comes after you, no one gives you detention, no one tells your parents. The teacher doesn't talk to you, unless you initiate the talking ("Hey, Professor, what the hell did I miss?"). It really is your responsibility to be in-class on time and to do all your work on time, or you don't get the grade. End of discussion.
How I found this out: Simple--my professors told us. Up-front. "Hey, kids, guess what--this is YOUR problem now. Get up, get here, or get an F. Easy choice."
IF YOU FORGET YOUR HOMEWORK...
At Interlochen: Your teacher says, "Oh, just run back to you room and get it."
At college: Your teacher says, "Sorry, you don't get a grade for this assignment."
How I found this out: Again, the teachers just told us up-front...but I've heard horror stories about teachers who don't, and are then surprised when kids drop their class as soon as humanly possible.
IF YOU STAY UP PAST ELEVEN-THIRTY...
At Interlochen: You get a lights-out infraction and are dormed the following day.
At college: You wake up tired the next morning, or you sleep through your class...or you get lucky and get a schedule where your first class is at three in the afternoon.
How I found this out: When I almost fell asleep in Spanish after staying up until one AM the night before my eight AM class. Trust me, the last thing you want to be at college is a night owl.
IF YOU SMOKE...
At Interlochen: You are in BIG TROUBLE if you get caught. You just never see anyone with a cigarette, even if they are of age. Why? Because it's a suspendable, and in some cases expellable, offense to smoke on the campus.
At college: Go ahead, just do it outside so that you don't set off the smoke alarms or, even worse, set the building on fire.
How I found this out: Hoo, boy. Was I ever in for a surprise when I walked across Red Square my first day of classes. I hadn't expected to see smoking--really, I hadn't even thought of it--but I must say, it wasn't exactly pleasant to walk through a cloud of smoke to get to class.
IF YOU DON'T WEAR THE UNIFORM...
At Interlochen: You will be subjected to lectures from your teachers, unexcused tardies, or dirty looks from classmates who have been subjected to the above while you have not. Moreover, if you wear a skirt that does not come to your knees, your Dean of Students will be all over you--even while the other girls show off their thongs in shorter-than-a-t-shirt skirts.
At college: Uniform? What uniform? The only time clothing is mentioned is when fashion-savvy students compliment one another's outfits.
How I found this out: I walked onto campus and was not assaulted by the Cult of Blue Polos.
IF YOU'RE A HIPSTER...
At Interlochen: EVERYONE is a hipster, or some facsimile, so good luck standing out. It's not enough to just be a hipster. You have to be truly unique. (Like the Dead Poets...le wink...)
At college: Mention Dakota Skye, and people will think you're talking about your hometown. Say your favorite band is "The Almost," and people will reply, "Almost what?" Here, if you want to stand out, it's not exactly easier--consider the fact that there are over 15oo kids here, for starters--but it's not like Interlochen, where everyone is out of the mainstream.
How I found this out: Walk into class wearing a pencil skirt, white blouse, pearls, and cloche hat, and you will get weird looks. It's a fact. (No, I totally didn't do this the first day of classes, what are you talking about?!)
IF YOU DRINK...
At Interlochen: You will get suspended. And possibly expelled. So if you do it, you'd bloody well better hide that habit as best as you can, unless you'd like a very unpleasant conversation with J-Wes.
At college: You're normal. Well, somewhat normal, anyway. It's not as bad as everyone makes it out to be--people are sober in class, for the first week at least--but the college does acknowledge that it happens and makes it very clear that while what you do off-campus is your decision, but if a dorm says substance-free it should stay substance-free.
How I found this out: During Orientation Week, we had an event called "Happy Hour with Mike Green," where an ex-alcoholic came and talked to us about safe drinking. Confused? So was I...for the first few minutes, anyway. And then I laughed my ass off. This guy is amazing. Seriously--it was not your average safe-drinking lecture.
On the whole, yes, it's true that college is considerably freer than Interlochen. Here we are truly given the opportunity to be ourselves. Here, we are not forced into any role, artistic or otherwise. Here, you decide who you will be--and how to live with the consequences of your decisions. I pray that Interlochen has given me the decision-making skills to thrive in a place like this, where we are held accountable from day one. I don't know yet. Only time will tell.
It's going to be an exciting four years...
OH OH OH. Before I sign off, I have to announce something very important: He's A Rockstar has been accepted to the Great Lakes International Film Festival!!!!!!!!!! (I'd keep going with the exclamation points, but it's just not that professional.) This is my first-ever film festival acceptance, and I cannot tell you how excited I am to FINALLY get my film out there for all the non-Interlochenites to see! :D
So, you really should see this film festival, if at all possible--it's in Erie, PA, September 23-24. Now, here's the cool thing about it: You don't actually have to go to the film festival in-person to see the films. GLIFF offers a special online program where you can see the films WITHOUT GOING TO THE FESTIVAL, from September 22 to October 1! HOW COOL IS THAT?
Here's the link to the He's A Rockstar Facebook page, which will tell you all you need to know, including a link to the GLIFF official site, with more info on the streaming-online thing:
Please for the love of all that's good and holy, check it out..."like" it...log onto GLIFF on September 22 and watch it! YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED!
And now that my shameless self-advertising is over, may I present the...
~STOLEN DIALOGUE~
"Not only am I homicidal, I'm...what's another 'idal?'...I'm...AMERICAN IDOL!"
Person one: I stand by what I said earlier in the year: as his roommate, how did you not just laugh your ass off all the time?
Person two: Well...once it fell off, there wasn't much I could do about it.
Person one: Where the hell did this rubber duck come from? Seriously, I don't remember where I got this!
Person two: Hmm...Rubber Duck Fairy?
"That's one place where you have to do a little cost-benefit analysis with the old dead limb metaphor...I swear to God I didn't realize how weird that sentence was until AFTER I said it..."
"If you made Kim Kardashian memorize the ingredients of peanut butter, it would make up about half of what she knows now."
Person one (seeing a group of unsavory-looking men): Oh yeah, these are the guys I want to party with tonight!
Person two: You probably will...
Person one: I got us the Motor Coach package! I don't know what that is, but...
Person two: What? You got us the Horticulture Package?
"I have no idea what this conversation is about...but I know it's inappropriate."
Person one: Just for the record, I've been running back and forth getting French toast this whole time.
Person two: So how you've managed to interrupt the conversation twelve times is a feat!
"You could just write an essay about that, with the title, 'Why I Can't Put My Parents' Conversation About Douching On My Blog.'"
"It's not like I'll be taking attendance, like, 'Damn you, you have no ice cream!'"
"Everyone should know how to make a risotto? Bite me!"
"My daughter asked me if childbirth hurt, and I had to try really hard--I just barely kept myself from saying, 'Like a motherf**ker.'"
Person one: They asked me what color I wanted my wedding shoes to be, and I said white. And then they asked, "Well, do you want bone, cream, or eggshell?" And to me, those all come under the heading of "white."
Person two: Bone? Is that even a color?
Person two: Well, according to the shoe salespeople, it is.
"If I'm lying on a table with my feet in the air and something between my legs, that to me just says 'Gynecological exam'--everyone's favorite day of the year, right?"
"The health center will diagnose you pregnant. Even you, Sean."
"Walking? Whose freakin' brilliant idea was that?"
"I started having over-the-internet ice cream lust."
"Today we'll go over the syllabus and talk about media literacy...but first, I will perform the ceremonial butchering of everybody's names..."
"You know what sitting in the front says to me? It says, 'I am engaged! I am willing to learn from this crazy bastard!'"
You are the rock star!
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