The REAL Academy Awards - Interlochen Academy, that is!

The deadline is upon us! With most people scriptlocked (that is, finished writing their scripts), two or three auditions at a time, and two shoots per week--not to mention permanently-occupied edit suites--it's getting crazy at the DeRoy Center for Film Studies. All I have to say is, holy crap. This place just gets more epic by the day.

I am now presenting to you the top ten best DeRoy moments ever. Or the best MPA moments ever; whatevs. You all know what I mean. (And, hopefully, WHO I mean.)

10. I don't know why I remember this so much, but I do: Whilst sitting with two friends and prepping for a presentation on Neutral Density Filters (fascinating, I know), one of said friends complains that nothing ever happens in our department. At the precise moment she says this, two other MPAs rip through the commons, one of them holding a steadicam that he only just managed to fix, both of them yelling something about MTV Cribs and turning the place from a silent study hall into a laughing mass of what the hell! If that wasn't enough reason for me to love being an MPA, what is?

9. Seeing a certain male MPA doing a damn good impression of our epic department head while acting in my one-minute short. I'm so glad I got that close-up!

8. Advanced Lighting Class, see if you recall THIS: 1) Mad Hatter Hat, 2) Paul missing one arm, 3) improvised dialogue that was so out there we almost didn't even let Michael hear it. Do you remember cracking up here? Because I sure do...

7. While 3 MPA girls are practicing their Coffehouse dance in the DeRoy commons after class, our teacher walks by and, with a chuckle, remarks, "The Interlochen MPAs are hard at work."

6. Directing Class: Two words for you--"Shocked Posse." You know who you are. I hope that isn't a reference to some movie or something, I reeeeally hope our directing teacher just came up with that...that's just super epic.

5. MWK and CB reading the parts of "aliens" in my screenplay during a workshop. I hate that I eventually took the aliens out, but you know what, at least I have the memory of those two reading the alien lines.

4. Watching the crew for the very latest thesis film (legit...it's being shot as I type this!) duct-taping a wad of plastic bags and other materials to the lead actor's (who just so happens to also be an MPA) belly in an attempt to simulate pregnancy. Along with seeing said actor walking around the soundstage and chuckling about not having to load the grip truck like the rest of us. This was of course followed by Alien references. Because apparently, no pregnancy-themed movie or TV show can be filmed without references to Alien. It just can't happen.

3. Okay...this is a really personal one...but the first time this year we all loaded the grip truck together...it was just epic...it just screamed, We are a team! I know, I know...I'm a geek. But really, you just had to be there. It was awesome.

2. For Directing Class students, see if this sounds familiar:

"And then we have the Hal's Liquor Store sign...as drawn by Hal's child!"

"Malcolm, I know you're cold, but come on, you've gotta look angry."

"Damn sh**in' soda can!"

"That's...not very productive."

There's plenty more that would involve waaaay too much explanation. Let's just say, that was hands-down the best class of the first semester. (And combining it with Intro to Production was GENIUS!)

1. Okay. For me, the #1 best MPA moment of this year was riiiiight at the beginning of the semester...before classes had even STARTED...and I think there were a few theater majors there as well as MPAs...but anyway, there were about ten of us sitting upstairs in the DeRoy girls' lobby, eating Goldfish and Oreos, and just being generally insane...I remember mentally dubbing one of my new friends "Captain Come-On" because no matter what situation you mentioned (Home Depot, train wreck, waiting room, ect.) he could come up with fifty pickup lines that could be used in that situation. (Don't worry, I've never actually called him that.) This, like the grip truck thing, really made me see how close we could get...and keep in mind, this was the first weekend of the year!

MPAs, if you read this, what's YOUR #1 MPA moment? Tell me, pretty please?


STOLEN DIALOGUE:

"All my friends have paired off! I have sixteen close friends and they're all couples! So, today when I went to lunch to eat with them, it wasn't like sixteen individual people so much as eight two-headed people!"

"This here is what we in the business call a total f***ing disaster. I'll bring the doughnuts, you bring 2012 and I Am Legend, and we'll make a party of it."

Person 1: "How am I gonna keep my job at Chuck E. Cheese if I'm a pregnant man?"
Person 2: "The question is, how are you gonna keep the government from doing fertility experiments on you if you're a pregnant man?"
Person 1: "...Shut up, Avery."
(Haha, don't worry, he wasn't actually pregnant...this was just a very, VERY weird day.)

"Listen to what we're having for dinner: 'Irish' chicken nuggets, 'Irish' soy nuggets, 'Irish' macaroni and cheese. Let me ask you, how do you make chicken nuggets 'Irish'? Maybe they'll just, like, dye it green..."

Person 1: "Has anyone seen Elvis [sock puppet]?"
Person 2: "I'm sorry, he's left the building."

[while gesturing to the place where our teachers usually stand during MPA forum] "Has anyone else noticed the suspicious lack of teachers in this general area?"

Person 1: "Well, you and I are friends, right? And I'm SURE there've been times when you've wanted to throw something at me."
Person 2: "No comment."

"I'm so sick of zombies! Everywhere I go people are talking about stupid zombies eating their stupid brains and infecting people with their stupid zombie powers! CAN WE SHUT UP ABOUT THE ZOMBIES ALREADY?! Why not talk about vampires? Or...I don't know...the square root of pi? Anything but zombies!"
[P.S.: To the person who said this (you know who you are), you are now my new best friend.]

"If you cut your hair, I will force you to go to Indiana. I mean it."

"Felix, every time you do that I will sing one verse of a Tokio Hotel song. In German."

"Malcolm..." [gets down on one knee] "Will you be my gay lover?"
(You kind of had to be there to get this one...just fyi, I was trying to convince this one guy to audition for my movie, another dude who had already agreed to audition and just so happened to be good friends with the other dude was in the vicinity, and boom...instant stolen dialogue.)


That is it for this post. I'm getting busier as the weeks go on...let's hope I have time to post again before April!