TEN THINGS THAT SUCKED ABOUT LOCK-IN:
1. THE FLOOR. Yes, the floor in the Shed is carpeted, but that, as I found out the hard way--literally--does not make it any more comfortable.
2. The fact that the counselors are sitting up all night watching us. It makes it even harder to sleep because you feel like you're in a freaking prison! Seriously, guys, we're not gonna sneak out and have an orgy if you go and sleep for an hour or two!
3. We watched Zoolander. For those of you who don't know, Zoolander is a stunning example of why you should not direct yourself in a feature film, particularly if you can't act in the first place...hint hint, Ben Stiller.
4. Not sleeping. You'd think that, having slept until 3:oo P.M. the day before, this would not have been such a problem. But nooo, I didn't sleep until 6:00 A.M., and then I woke up half an hour later with a sore throat. Fun stuff...not.
5. The fact that every time a person tried to go to the bathroom, the light in the Shed hallway would turn on automatically...thus waking up half the people in the gym.
6. Allegedly, we had to remain in La Shed until 9:00 this morning. Well, guess what? They woke us up BEFORE NINE. Not kidding! And they're all chipper and, "Okay guys, pick up your trash!" while a few of us are seriously debating giving them the bird out of sheer frustration.
7. The smell. Cram 35 kids into a gymnasium, let them play dodgeball, sack-races, and Twister until they are sweaty and do not smell good, and then put them in sleeping bags in the same clothes that they've been wearing all day. Um...yeah. You see where I'm going with this.
8. One of the counselors had a megaphone that he seemed to greatly enjoy using. Needless to say, this got annoying after about three times, because we couldn't hear what the hell he was saying thanks to the distortion. However, we all liked this counselor too much and didn't have the heart to tell him that we probably could've heard him better WITHOUT the megaphone.
9. The music played during dodgeball, sack racing, twister, and board games was way too loud. Even those of us sitting as far away from the speakers as possible still got sonic booms in our chests from the bass.
10. We had pizza. Now, this would not have been a bad thing if not for the fact that it smelled--and I can't say for sure, but probably TASTED--like the Shed carpeting.
TEN THINGS THAT I WILL NOT FORGET TO BRING IF I GO TO LOCK-IN NEXT YEAR:
1. Mattress pad!!!!!
2. iPod--this would've saved me listening to the stupid air conditioner all night. Also would have brought me some comfort on the concrete floor.
3. Extra pillows and another comforter. Self-explanatory.
4. Sandwich, so I don't have to eat the cruddy pizza.
5. Earplugs, to remove threat of listening to brain-cell-killing Stiller film, and to avoid hearing loss from too-loud music.
6. Skittles. Because they just make everything better. Don't ask why.
7. Stuffed white tiger, or possibly stuffed dolphin. Because snuggling with a stuffed animal can counteract the stiffening effect of concrete floors. Again, don't ask how or why. Just accept it as the truth and move on.
8. Laptop, so I can have something to do when everyone else is playing Twister and I am too confused from trying to follow Megaphone Counselor's directions and exhausted from the snowball fight to play.
9. Movies. Possibly Thumbsucker, which I know they'd never play, or Finding Nemo, which would possibly make the other kids hate me, because if I ever have to watch Zoolander again I might commit homicide, suicide, or psuedocide.
10. Ronnie Winter picture. Because, like Skittles and stuffed animals, Ronnie makes things better. (For all you readers who don't like RJA or don't know who the hell Ronnie Winter is, substitute this with a picture or other paraphernalia of your own idol. It would help. Trust me.)
TEN THINGS I WOULD RATHER DO THAN WATCH ANY BEN STILLER MOVIE (with the exception of Madagascar) EVER AGAIN:
1. Sleep in a full-size bed in a hotel room with all three of the Jonas Brothers, with all of us wearing street clothes and each one of them wearing a different cologne.
2. Sing "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne in the middle of a crowded grocery store on the day before Thanksgiving. (Tired, exasperated shoppers + impromptu karaoke = disaster. Trust me on that.)
3. Sleep on a concrete floor sans carpet, blankets, and pillow.
4. Drive a Toyota in the Woodward Dream Cruise.
5. Direct Jack Palance in a big-budget film. (Sorry...only Tim Burton geeks will understand that one.)
6. Sing an Evanescence song while suffering Strep Throat.
7. Jump into the Shamu tank at SeaWorld wearing a Nordstrom bikini.
8. Develop a crush on a Hell's Kitchen contestant. (Oh wait, I've already done that. Never mind.)
9. Hear Miley Cyrus do a cover of "Thriller." (Don't tell me she already has. I don't want to know.)
10. Do something stupid enough to end up on America's Funniest Home Videos.
And finally, to end on a positive note...
FIFTEEN THINGS ABOUT THE LOCK-IN THAT WERE TOTALLY SUPER EPIC:
1. THE SNOWBALL FIGHT!!!!!! Seriously, for someone who had never been involved in a snowball fight with more than one person at a time, this was incredible. I got pelted with snow--my hair was DRIPPING WET by the time we were done--and let's just say it's a good thing I brought extra pajamas. I am 5'1" and the snow was roughly 3'6" deep...can you see where I'm going with this? But it was amazing. I was covered in snow and I got to throw snowballs at people without getting scolded by a counselor. Yes!!
2. The second movie we watched, (500) Days of Summer. That was just made of epic win...First of all, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is epic. Period. Second, Zooey Deschanel kicks ass. She IS a good actress, and I'm telling you she does NOT play the same role over and over again. The soundtrack for that movie was incredible. They had a The Graduate reference in there for Pete's sake! How can you NOT love it? Also. Matthew Gray Gubler as the best friend? Genius. Sheer genius. (If you don't know who that is, look up "RV sewage scene" on YouTube. He is "Joe Joe." You will laugh your ass off.)
3. This will only make sense if you are a sucker for friendship, like me. But this guy who I didn't think actually cared about me that much came over to me while we were watching Zoolander and he was like, "What are you doing back here?" and then sat down with me, like RIGHT NEXT TO ME, about .00002 inches away, and we talked about movies and indie films and we agreed that Ben Stiller can't act to save his life. Bonding experience! :)
4. The female counselor who was supervising us sat down and talked to me and one of my friends about filmmaking, editing, weird teachers, and stolen dialogue. I can't even tell you how epic that was...
5. Three of my MPA friends DJing the pre-lock-in Bollywood dance...seriously, that was just perfect...usually we have the same DJ for every event, so it's nice to mix it up a bit sometimes. I've always thought it'd be fun to DJ...but nobody would like the music I'd play. :( Faaaail...
6. Reading Jack Kerouac while snuggled up in a bundle of comforters and fleece blankets. Yes, I KNOW I could've done that at home, in bed. But doing it in the shed was more fun.
7. Watching the Super Action Fun Ball (a.k.a. DODGEBALL) game. That was intense, dude! I love how perfectly sane people go bonkers when they play sports. Then again I go bonkers on movie sets, so I can't talk.
8. I haven't had a sleepover in forever...so just the base idea of a LOCK-IN was great.
9. Eating M&Ms and playing Tanji or Tanga or whatever the heck that game is called where you try to not knock over the tower of little wooden block-like sticks (help me out here guys...) with Shae.
10. During the rare moment when I WAS asleep, I had an epic dream. Can't spill the details because a) it'd take waaay too long and b) it's too hard to follow, but trust me, it was great.
11. Hearing everybody sing along to "Don't Stop Believin'" and singing along too even though I didn't know the words.
12. Three words: PAPER TOWEL FIGHT!!!
13. The aftermath of the paper towel fight: A cloud of brown paper stuck to the ceiling. Wow...that just made my night.
14. Debating whether Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler was a bigger idiot with a one of my guy friends. I guess you had to be there to understand that one. Let's just say, if a person didn't know me, and they didn't know the guy I was debating with, they would think we were a pair of total freaks.
15. Okay, maybe this wouldn't go on the "good things" list for most people...but someone gave me the finger when I said, "I liked the Twilight movie." That just cracked me up because seriously, guys, why the heck do you bother? Yes, I know, I know..."But YOU were the one bitching and complaining about Ben Stiller!" See, there's a difference between DEBATING with someone and DISSING someone. I'm proud to report that I did not flip off anyone who liked Ben Stiller.
And now...as always...
STOLEN DIALOGUE TIME!
Me: "Ben Stiller is the spawn of evil!"
My friend: "For the spawn of evil, he sure makes good movies..."
"Can I throw up now? Because it would be very relieving."
"And on that note, I'm going to pee."
"Excuse me, I misheard you. That's gotta be it. I think you just said, 'Twilight was a good movie.' I'm so sorry. Here, let me get you some shock treatments."
(That was the prelude to flipping me off.)
"You know who we need right now? Gene Wilder."
"Take two Dorkazoids and call me in the morning."
"See, calling me psycho doesn't work, because a) my name isn't Norman Bates, and 2) I'm not dressed up like an old lady."
More blogs tomorrow. Loveya! :D
Where is the next installment?
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