The Secret to Surviving "Winterlochen"

Ah, Northern Michigan winters--nothing like them! First, you freeze to death in weather that is so cold that it doesn't even snow, and you literally cannot breathe when you're outside becuase it is so damn cold. And then you get BURIED in snow and start to wish that the breathtaking cold would come back. And then you get two or three nice, warm--"warm" meaning somewhere between thirty and forty degrees--days, and you start to think, "Okay, this isn't so bad, I can deal, if it just stays like this." But it doesn't! Three nice days, and then, BAM! Winter socks you in the gut like Jack Dempsey.

And then, to put a few sprinkles on this lovely sundae (get it? Sundae? Ice cream? Cold? Meh, forget it), it rains. And everything freezes on the ground, and you skid on ice every time you try to walk to class. And did I mention that it is FREEZING?! There's piles of dirty, renegade snow EVERYWHERE, there's a few solid inches of ice on the ground, there's CLEAN snow which falls every other week or so and makes you long for the rain and ice again, and there's this nice little chill that cannot be blocked even by a down coat.

But it gets even better! At Interlochen there's this thing called the "concourse," which houses all the classrooms. It is one long hallway, with small buildings attached called "rotundas." (Sooner or later I'll do an Interlochen Dictionary post, don't worry. You WILL know what all these words mean eventually, I promise.) And when you walk down this hallway, you get sweaty because you have to walk FAST, due to there being ten minutes between classes and one of your classes (if your luck is anything like mine) is at the opposite end of campus from your NEXT class and you have to rival Jesse Owens to get there on time. So you get sweaty and you leave your coat unbuttoned when you go outside and...well, you know what happens next.

Frostbite, anyone?

And let's not forget the food issue! You know how in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl states that something about cold weather makes people hungrier? (And no, mom, I do NOT want to know the scientific reason for that. (; ) So yes, after a hard day of classes and practices and screenwriting and playwriting and history tests and stress tests and composing music and composing functions, we're all hungry enough to eat a cow. So we go to the cafeteria...where Death awaits us in the form of overcooked salmon. Yum. And the alternative? Go spend ten bucks at the cafe for bad fries and crappy ice cream. Or order a hamburger from Bud's, which I am not as of yet brave enough to do. No wonder the motto for stone is, "Stone Cafeteria: Where the starving artists of tomorrow begin starving today."

And of course there's the fun of the clothes! Honestly, tights or no tights, I will never understand how some of you brave girls can wear skirts in this weather. I freeze my ass off with long pants and kneesocks, and some days I actually wear long johns beneath my pants, so how in the heck you can stand to walk around in a skirt and pantyhose is something beyond my level of comprehension. Then again I've been gawked at for going hatless, so maybe I can't talk. All I know is, without a coat, long pants, boots, kneesocks, and a pair of gloves, I'm useless in the cold.

So what does all this add up to? One very freaking long winter. (Daddy, do you remember reading The Long Winter when I was in sixth grade? Say yes, dang it!) But don't worry. I've found the secret to surviving the Interlochen Winter (or Winterlochen, as I've heard it called). Here it is, in three parts:

First of all. BE HAPPY. I can't stress this enough. If you mope through winter, you will be bushwhacked the second November 1st rolls around. Don't believe me? Well, think about this: I went out on a shoot with my fellow MPAs shortly after Halloween. It was a nice, clear, sunny day...and the temperature was enough to make one believe that Hell had literally frozen over. I swear to God there was FROST on the grass. There were actually people whose job was to run blankets out to the freezing actors (it was a baseball movie).

Anyway, I'm digressing. The point is, BE HAPPY. Don't let Winterlochen kick your ass with its icy gloominess. The sadder you get, the harder it is to pull through the looooong winter months. So do yourself a favor. Go to the dances. Go to Coffeehouse. Watch the Olympics and laugh when the media makes a big deal about a snowboarder's coach letting out a few f-bombs. Read silly blogs on the internet. (Mine notwithstanding (; ) Watch silly crap on YouTube (but keep it G-rated, please; we don't want any Porn Infractions).

Some things to bust the Winterlochen Blahs:

http://community.sparknotes.com/index.php/2009/07/16/blogging-twilight-index-page/
If you love Twilight and take it seriously, or if you are Team Edward, stay away. However, if you are like me and take the whole thing as light entertainment, you will love this. You will laugh. Hard.

http://aaronrgillespie.tumblr.com/
This is Aaron Gillespie's (The Almost; UnderOath) blog about food. It's more interesting than it sounds. Trust me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9va1wVNizE
TRY to watch this without laughing, or at least smirking and rolling your eyes. It can't be done.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxLT98chljg
Maybe I'm just biased because they're my favorite band...but the beginning of this interview cracks me up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUnRAqEEVWQ&feature=PlayList&p=C45ACB753D9BC89B&index=2
This is self-explanatory. Just watch it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNSdBLYXJD4
If this doesn't crack you up, you are officially NOT HUMAN. And no, you do NOT have to be into zombies to like this short film. (On that note, what is it with us Interlochen people and zombies? Seriously! I think we've all watched the "Thriller" video one too many times...)

Second. Remember that artistic reason you came here? MPAs, make some indie shorts!(And then post them on YouTube or facebook so we can all share the laughs!) Creative writers, crank out some fiction! (Or poetry, if you'd rather do that.) Musicians, hold random jam sessions in the rotundas! Visual artists, show off with your snow sculptures! (So far this year, I've seen the Loch Ness Monster, some Igloos, a lion, and my personal favorite, a large toadstool.) There's a reason that young artists come here, and it sure as heck isn't for the brilliant weather. We are CREATIVE! If we can't figure out a way to beat this winter cruddiness...well...who can?

Third--possibly most important--RELY ON YOUR FRIENDS. There is a reason that Mr. Film Teacher tells us after we come back from breaks to look after each other. (Motion Picture Artists, you know what I'm talking about, right?) The people in your dorm, your major, your classes, and even people whom you would never see if you didn't make the effor to seek them out will help you more than anything you're told to do by the Health Services people. Seriously, without my friends I would've gone bug-nuts crazy by now. Friends provide entertainment, stress relief, hugs, companionship, love, and most importantly, support. If you don't trust them...excuse the cliche...who can you trust to get you through the horror that is a North Michigan winter?

So there you have it. The secret to surviving "Winterlochen." (Am I even using that in the correct context?) You're welcome. :)



STOLEN DIALOGUE TIME!!!!!

"I sound like a Wookie on helium!"

"That there's what we call an inside joke."

"Did you eat a bowl of unoriginal for breakfast?"

"No. No, no, no. This is an ALICE IN WONDERLAND prom, not a LET'S SHOW OFF NINETY PERCENT OF OUR SKIN prom. You can't wear that dress. People will think you're confused about the theme."

"Let's not tell Mr. Wescott that none of us did our homework, okay? We'll just say something we got off Sparknotes; he won't know the difference."

"I Facebooked the crap out of him! No--I did not STALK him. I FACEBOOKED him. There's a difference."

"You know what would be really interesting? If he fell into a sand pit full of rabid Miley Cyrus fans. That would be fun."

"Hey, guys, I've got an idea. Let's have a revolution!"

"Some people are born to be wild...some people are born to be artists...he was born to be unprofessional."

"This just bypasses all normal levels of awkward. This is so much awkward it's practically coming out your ears. You are unnaturally full of awkward. Instead of the date-rape drug, someone poisoned your drink with a whole lot of awkward."

Person one: "Can you just shoot me please?"
Person two: "No, but I can dismember you and flush the pieces down the toilet."
Person one: "Okay, that works."

"That door has issues. That door is being a...Doork. Sorry, SOMEONE had to say that."

"Oh great. This table is chairless, and THAT table has more chairs than it knows what to do with. That table is Napoleon's army marching in to invade Russia, and this table is Napoleon's army marchinng OUT of Russia, minus ninety percent of his army."