Please excuse my ranting. It is, on this occasion, necessary, unless everyone wants to hear about how Beatnik Belle went on an insane rampage in DeRoy the night before the last day of school.
Interlochen is brilliant. I'm not denying that. And it is a thousand times better than my old school. Here, your friends understand you even if not all of the adults do. Here, you have inside jokes with your teachers (some of them, anyway). Here you are given room to grow, to explore, to understand...
...until someone higher on the food chain doesn't like it.
Remember a few weeks ago when I blogged about shooting my thesis film, and made a few tongue-in-cheek references to arguing with my thesis advisor? That was, sadly enough, not a joke. What's really sad about that is that the man in question is truly a good person. He is not an evil, censorship-promoting troll. The problem is, he and I had extremely different opinions, and he is my teacher, and I had too much on the line to really fight for what I wanted. And looking back, I realize that there were things I could have done that I was too afraid to do. I can't change that. Much as I'd like to, I can't go back in time.
Here are the facts:
I wrote a screenplay over the summer and decided to use it for my junior thesis. Good idea, right? Maybe not. I had to condense thirteen pages into five. They call this process "baby-killing" for a reason. It's painful to condense ANYTHING. Really. But if you're going to do it, you'd damn well better keep some semblance of the story. I did not have that option. Almost literally.
The screenplay in question was called "Alien Water Torture," a title taken directly from a line of dialogue. In the story, a shy, awkward boy named Gavin falls for his roommate/childhood best friend Ronnie, who just so happens to be his polar opposite. The script is mostly a collection of awkward but intimate moments between the two of them, coming to a head when Ronnie, beginning to notice Gavin's affection for him, has a nightmare that a group of aliens is torturing him into admitting that he is in love with Gavin. Thanks to my utter lack of skill concerning dialogue (no, that is NOT self-hating there, that is just a FACT. I will make no secret of the fact that I HATE HATE HATE dialogue and if I had my way I would just let my actors come up with their own damn dialogue), the nightmare scene had comedic undertones, something that I greatly hoped my thesis advisor could assist me with. At the end of the script, Ronnie coerces Gavin into confessing his feelings and they have their happy ending and get together.
This was not meant to be a romantic comedy. It was meant to be something sweet, indie, and touching. The problem was, there wasn't enough time to make the story really WORK in five or six pages. Initially I cut the script down to the bare bones: See Gavin and Ronnie together, Ronnie finds out Gavin MIGHT be in love with him, Ronnie has nightmare, Gavin confesses, they get together, the end. "Not good enough," I was told. "There must be more STORY."
What I was not told was how I could do that.
Workshop was bad enough. I would get nailed every time. Why doesn't Ronnie already know? Why does Gavin choose to tell him NOW? If Ronnie really is in love with Gavin why does it take so long for him to admit it? Why does he wait for Gavin to make the first move if he knows that Gavin is so shy?
The biggest question was, why aliens? The answer: Because I don't like zombies and werewolves are too cliche.
No, really.
See, the idea of the film is not "gay love story." No, seriously, it's not! The idea is that it's frightening to fall in love with your best friend, no matter what gender you are and what gender they are. The whole same-sex thing served two purposes: One, they had to be roommates for this to work, and two, I thought it less of a cliche than a girl falling for her childhood guy friend. The aliens represent fear of losing your friend, and fear of admitting to your friend that you like them. Believe me, I have been here before, and anyone who has heard me ranting about "the Man in Black" knows JUST what I mean.
Rest assured that this will not turn into me saying "I could've made a great film if left alone." Hell no. The first thesis is overwhelming for ANYONE. It's NUTS. Writing, directing, and editing a film is not as easy as YouTube would have you believe. You need help. You need guidance. I'll be the first to admit, I needed help.
What I did NOT need was to hear "no" every time I went in for a thesis meeting.
"NO, they can't get together in the end." Why? "It's completely unrealistic. If a closeted boy found out that his friend had a crush on him he would freak out and call the other guy a fag and tell him to get away."
Not my Ronnie! Ronnie would never do that. Ronnie loves Gavin. Ronnie's been Gavin's protector since they met in kindergarten. Ronnie wouldn't call Gavin names and tell him to go away.
"NO, there can't be a kiss at the end!" Why? See answer to Why #1. With an added, "It doesn't further the story, you just want to get them smooching! It's what YOU want, not what the STORY wants."
Seriously. If you found out that your crush wanted you, even if you were nervous, would you let them kiss you? I know I would.
"NO, there cannot be an alien dream sequence!" Why? "Because it's impractical to film." (Well, you have a point there...) "Also, it doesn't further the story and it will only confuse your audience."
Really? Because just about everyone I asked outside the workshop knew exactly what it meant...
Finally, the story changed so it was unrecognizeable. I realized two days before my rehearsal that it was not the story I wanted at all. I'd tried to compromise. I took out the aliens, painful as it was. I changed the ending so that Ronnie rejected Gavin initially, then came back and admitted he was wrong. BIG MISTAKE. This just opened up more "why's."
"WHY is he rejecting him?"
That was the last straw. What I badly wanted to say was, I should ask you that! It was YOUR idea! YOU are the one who said that Ronnie would freak out at first! YOU are the one who said there shouldn't be a kiss! YOU are the one who essentially told me to take out everything that made sense in this script! Would you like to just write this for me? Here, have at it, because I'm sick of trying to write a script that YOU like! How about a script that I like? Uh, whose thesis film is this again?That's right, MINE!
Instead I meekly said, "Because he's scared?" Which everyone would know if you'd let me keep the aliens.
"So WHY does he come back?"
"Because...he loves Gavin. He really does." Which I've told you a million times, you freak.
Not good enough.
In desperation I added a scene at the end which showed Gavin meeting a new boy, Jackson, who was openly gay and had a pretty obvious crush on Gavin. Ronnie was "straight" and rejected Gavin clean, didn't look back. However, being me, I just had to put in that question "is he really...?" by giving Ronnie a talent for sketching, which he uses to draw a picture of himself with Gavin. In the end, he threw it away.
Wow. How's that for a happy ending? (Sarcasm hand is DEFINITELY raised.)
Please understand - I am not dissing my thesis advisor. Really, I am not. I love his work and I respect his opinions. It's just that I feel like that feeling maybe isn't mutual, because I felt condescended to and I don't like that. It's really sad, because he is a really talented filmmaker and I think if we'd been a better match in terms of personality, we might've been able to work together really well.
The problem with me is that I am a smartass. I really am, and I have no problem admitting that. I am strongly opinionated, and if I have an idea for something I don't want to let it go. The problem is that my thesis advisor was the same way.
What is it about opposites attracting?
But now I know. Next time we have an artist-in-rez who I like, I will ask their opinions. I will take their advice. But I won't ask them to be my advisor unless I am POSITIVE we can work together. Sound like a plan?
WARNING: SPOILERS. ONLY READ ON IF YOU HAVE ALREADY SEEN THE FILM.
So there will be some confusion about this particular matter. For those of you left scratching your heads after the thesis screening, here are all your questions answered (yes, these are all questions I have actually been asked):
1. If Ronnie is in love with Gavin, why does he reject him?
Two words: Snap decision. It's one of those moments where you want someone but you know you shouldn't. Basically, Ronnie DOES want Gavin--like, a lot--but it's been pounded into his head that it is WRONG to have a same-sex crush and if someone of your gender admits they like you in that way, you should BOOK IT. So Ronnie freaks out and makes the snap decision to walk away.
2. Why does Gavin ask Jackson out in the end?
Because he is, as my mum would say, "settling." Ronnie is, as far as he knows, straight. Jackson is pretty obviously gay. Gavin wants to feel loved, to use the common cliche, and since it's not hard to tell that Jackson has a crush on him, Gavin thinks this is his only shot.
3. Who the hell IS Jackson?
Jackson is a boy who has a crush on Gavin, but who has never gone for him because he knew--as did everyone else--that Gavin was in love with Ronnie. He's actually quite similar to Ronnie--very self-assured, bordering on arrogant, the kind of person that everyone THINKS is a slacker but they're really not. The difference is that he has completely accepted himself and knows exactly who he is--Ronnie's still a bit stuck on that.
Straight up: Jackson is a plot device. Little more. I will never, ever love him as much as I love Ronnie and Gavin. Sorry, Jackson. :(
4. Shy, sensitive Gavin suddenly and randomly decides to spill that he's in love with Ronnie. What the hell?
Sadly, that is another plot device. I went through so many variations of how Ronnie discovers that Gavin is in love with him, each more awkward than the last. The least-awkward way was for someone to be overheard discussing whether Gavin and Ronnie were dating. However, there wasn't enough time to put this into the script, so I went for the second-least awkward option, which was for Gavin to grow some balls and spit it out.
The difference is that there WAS some artistic choice in this one. I figured that since Gavin is so much like me (apparently; seeing as everyone insists that Gavin IS me and here I thought changing the protagonist to a male character would eliminate this problem) and I have taken the hard route of marching up to a guy and informing him that I like him, why can't my protagonist? Believe me, Gavin didn't want to. When I told him what he was going to do he looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Um, I can't even tell Ronnie that I don't want to clean the soundstage--how can I possibly tell him I'm in love with him? That makes no sense."
And I said, "Shut up, you sound like my thesis advisor. You're doing this, damn it," and I made him do it.
...And that is my insane moment for the day. MOVING ON!
5. So Gavin goes for Jackson and Ronnie gets left in the dust. What next? Do Ronnie and Gavin EVER make up?
Ooh, I love this one... Okay. In the original script, Ronnie walked away but came back when he realized that Gavin was his best friend and he DID love him and he COULDN'T walk away. That's kaput now, so in my mind here is what happens afterward:
--Jackson and Gavin have their date. Gavin realizes that while Jackson is sweet, he has absolutely no feelings for the poor guy whatsoever and is forced to admit that he only likes Jackson as a friend.
--While Gavin is on his date, Ronnie sulks on the soundstage (this is in the film). He realizes that no matter how allegedly "wrong" it is, he loves Gavin and he can't change that. He decides that Gavin should know this.
--Ronnie seeks Gavin out and finds him at the waterfront. He offers Gavin the picture that he drew of the two of them together and admits that he wants to be with Gavin. Gavin, overjoyed, kisses him without a second thought. Ronnie is so shocked he nearly runs away again. This time Gavin stops him and basically says "What the hell is your problem?" Ronnie spills his guts. Kiss again. The end.
...Doesn't that sound so much better?
6. Where the heck does the title "Possession" come from?
The simple meaning: At one point in the film, Ronnie jokes about ghosts possessing him and Gavin if they don't clean the soundstage.
The actual meaning: When you love someone, like Gavin loves Ronnie, you feel almost as if they "possess" you. They have power over you that your closest friends and even your parents do not have. This is why we often make fools of ourselves around our crushes. It's also why Ronnie walks out, scared - because he isn't sure if he's ready for Gavin to "possess" him.
STOLEN DIALOGUE (long overdue, I might add)
Person one: [Hall counselor], what's the best way to mail a slice of pizza?
Person two: Don't. Why on earth would you need to mail a slice of pizza?
Person one: Because it's sexy!
Person two: That is definitely not the answer I wanted to hear...
"He's suffering from a bad case of smart-ass."
"He is so far in the closet he's actually in Narnia. It's like, c'mon, man. Come out already. You're too old to chill with magical lions."
Person one: You can tell if I like you because I'll say you're badass or I'll call you dude. It's, like, pretty much my ultimate sign of respect.
Person two: Have you ever called me 'dude'?
Person one: Yeah.
Person two: Oh, good. I like you too.
[referring to a math lesson involving imaginary numbers] "My objective is to get through my show tonight without my brain exploding. My obstacle is THAT." [points to whiteboard]
"Aww, my little iPod touch is all growed up!"
"You are a cute, innocent, awkward baby deer. Go with it. Embrace it."
"I hate everyone today. It's nothing personal. I just hate everyone. I know that love always wins out, so hating everyone is fighting a losing battle, but that just makes me more determined to hate everyone."
Person: How do you get me into this stuff?
Me: Magic powers. [line from my movie]
Person: If you throw a teddy bear at me next, I will beat you.
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