I've Got Fifteen Friends and a Crowbar that says You Ain't Gonna do Jack!

The friends are the cast and crew of Aaron T.'s epic thesis shoot, and the crowbar(s) are the epic faculty of the MPA department. And today, we did jack all right. We finished shooting Aaron's film today!

Now, this was the first time I've had an actual, official job on a thesis set. I was gripping, which for anyone who doesn't know means that I was essentially the gopher--as in, go-for; extension cables, lights, sandbags, and in one instance actors. I hauled around equipment, carried stuff to and from the mule (a.k.a. the equipment truck), helped set up lights, and most importantly (sarcasm hand raised) worked the fog machine.

For anyone who does not know, a fog machine is the devil's invention. A person thinks, "Oh, it's just haze. How bad can it be?" Oh, it's bad. It is very, very bad. It is enough to make a person cough, as several of us learned the hard way the past few days. It is enough to draw any oxygen out of the air and turn it into a faintly stinky gas that, trust me, no one really wants to breathe. And when you're using this invention in a huge room, it's bad enough. But when you use it in a tiny enclosed space--as we were doing today--it makes you want to scream...but you can't, because the scream will inevitably turn into a hacking cough.

In fact, it got so bad that at one point, I decided there was nothing better to do than joke about it. We were shooting a scene in which Logan's character is trying to pull Lucy out of a window. Lucky Logan was allowed to stay outside, with the nice breeze and the sunshine, while the rest of us sweated and coughed in that hazy, stifling basement. So between takes, I stood under the window, held up both hands as if pleading to be rescued, and said, "Logan! Help! Save me from the haze!" And to my great delight, Logan actually found this amusing.

Later on, someone had to enter the Room of Doom (a.k.a. said hazy, stifling basement) and I opened the door (which was locked from the outside) and greeted the newcomer with, "Welcome to our Inferno!" and earned myself more laughs from the cast and crew. Success again!

I like to think my joking and attempts to stay positive contributed to the good atmosphere of this shoot. Then again, I also like to think that the ghost of Jack Kerouac haunts this campus, so maybe my opinion doesn't really count. ;)

To Aaron T., I just wanna say, good job, man. I know I've said it a million times already, but trust me, you deserve to hear it a million more. I liked working for you and I liked it double because I was working my favorite job. Dude. Next year, if you need a grip on ANY shoot (and I mean class projects too, not just the big Thesis Film), I am there. I mean it.

To the cast (who probably don't follow this blog, but whatevs), a shout out for pure epicness. Helene and Ian, you were amazingly creepy. I can't wait to see a cut of this film and be scared out of my wits by the two of you (yes, that IS in fact a compliment). Lucy and Logan...wow. Wow, wow, wow. You were thrown around, pushed down, slid across rooms and shoved out windows. And then after all that, you both said, "Okay, what next?" PERFECTION. I hope that I get to work with you in the future (a.k.a. next Academy season...).

To the rest of the crew--THUMBS UP. Little complaining, lots of hard work and dedication. I think this is why gripping is my favorite part of MPA--it enables you to see what really goes into making a film, to observe the DP, AD, AC, Gaffer, Audio, and Continuity and realize that whether they're running around like headless chickens (which is, trust me, what Kylie [gaffer], Charlotte [audio], and I were doing today) or not, they still are working their asses off.

To me, THAT is what MPA is about. Working hard, sweating like a horse, losing sleep, freaking out, and loving every damn minute of it.

A few months ago I Facebooked, "It kind of just hit me that this really is "thesis season" and we're all gonna be insanely busy until May. We're going to unload and load the Mule every other day...spend hours revising scripts and treatments...stress about who will be our thesis advisor or on our crews...spend unlimited hours in the editing suites. All I have to say is, HELL YEAH. THIS is why I became an MPA. :)"

That still holds true. I don't care how hard this is. I am proud to be a filmmaker, and I am proud to be an Interlochen Motion Picture Arts major.


STOLEN DIALOGUE

"I'm not really in the habit of looking at people's bottoms."

[talking about school uniform]
Teacher: So, the physics teacher taught me to look at people's bottoms.
Student: Well, out of context, that's just wonderful...

[still talking about uniforms]
Teacher: Can you go find yourself some britches that aren’t jeans that are close enough to navy blue to be uniform?
Student: I can’t! All my blue pants are dirty!
Teacher: Well, you need navy blue britches. So go get yourself a pair. Borrow some, maybe?
Student: I can’t — dude, my friends are [Really Skinny Dude #1] and [Really Skinny Dude #2]! I can’t fit into their pants! I don’t know how they can fit into their pants!

"So today I realized there are directions on the side of Pop-Tart boxes. Dude, no person is stupid enough to need DIRECTIONS to eat a Pop-Tart. That's gotta be a misprint. Or, like, a really bad joke from the Pop-Tart company."

"I've been living with him for so long that everything sounds like sarcasm to me."

Person one: I'm going to go back to my dorm and sleep for a month.
Person two: Good idea, I think I'll join you.

"I think the main reason I've never done anything stupid is because I'm smart."

[seeing the effect of the fog machine for the first time]
"Oh my God...it's like The Mist in here!"

Person one: So we had a fog machine on set today.
Person two: Oh my God, did you die?
Person one: No, but I now have proof that my thesis advisor is insane.
Person two: Really? Why?
Person one: Because he ran around going, 'Oh my God, you have haze! That makes me so happy!' And he didn't seem to notice that we were asphyxiating.

[talking about riding on the back of the grip truck]
Person one: Can we ride?
Teacher: Well...
Person one: Dude, you would be the coolest teacher EVER!
Person two: Dude, he'd be the fired-est teacher ever.

Everything we know could change...will you remember my name?

There is a "syndrome" for every high school class except juniors and freshmen. The sophomore slump. The dreaded senioritis. And with boarding school, such as the one I attend now, there is the "freshman fifteen," but that doesn't really count seeing as most people here are first-years and get the "fifteen" whether they are freshmen or not.

So apparently, freshmen and juniors are perfect, while sophomores slump and seniors battle senioritis. Really? Dude, that's so whack.

Now, my freshman year was spent at home, doing online school. So I can't speak for the freshies, but trust me, NO year of high school is a picnic. And so today I shall talk about what faces every junior in every school...

I'm talking about when it just suddenly HITS YOU that your senior friends are GRADUATING. FOR REAL. And next year THEY WON'T BE HERE. They will be everywhere ranging from Ohio to fricking Europe. And chances are, you will never see some of these friends face-to-face again. And the worst part is, in the Interlochen case, you've only known some of these people for a year because they are first-year seniors or, in some cases, postgrads. And you love them--you really do--because somehow, here at Interlochen it is possible to love someone like they're your own sister or brother after only knowing them for seven months.

And of course the seniors are so happy to graduate they say things like, "Oh, it'll be okay, you'll still have [insert name of freshman, sophomore, or other junior here]." Or, "Maybe [insert name of senior here] will come back as a postgrad."

And the kicker comes most often from the adults in your life: "You can always make new friends."

At the risk of sounding like a little kid...

But they won't be the same!!!!!

Yes. I probably will make new friends. We all will make new friends. BUT THAT'S THE PROBLEM!!! No matter how many good friends I make, they will NEVER replace what I will lose at the end of this year.

Because you see, with close friends it's all about the, "do-you-remember-when."

"Seneca, do you rememver when you DPed my film and kept leaving the camera on at the worst--and by worst I really mean BEST--moments?"

"Josh, do you remember when we went to church together on the first weekend here?"

"Mishka, do you remember when you and Gus and I jumped into the snow by the Writing House?"

"Zac, do you remember trick-or-treating and the Halloween dance?"

"Andrew, do you remember rehearsing behind DeRoy and almost getting eaten by bugs?"

It goes on and on. I already miss them and they aren't even gone yet.

So I do what I can. For me, every day is "Hug-A-Senior" day. Every time I see one of my senior friends I stop what I'm doing and say hello and give them a hug. I plan to write "train letters" to my senior friends (camp alumni, you know what that is, right? Okay good). I make sure that anyone who I will not see next year knows that I love them and I will miss them.

I will get a webcam so I can Skype. I will write those letters and on graduation day, I will scream and cheer for every single friend, enemy, and unknown person who walks across that stage. I will savor every last moment of this year. And next year, I will kick ass in the name of every senior friend who has gone out into the world.



In place of stolen dialogue tonight: A few shout-outs to the seniors/postgrads who made this year memorable--

Josh A.
Zac C.
Mishka H.
Andrew W.
Seneca S.
Tressa G.
Jake F.
Beltran D.C.
Joshua E.
Isabella M.
Patrick C.
Paul M.
Jesse L.
Kimmy A.
Robyn L.
Jess N.
Erin F.
Connor S.
Graeme F.
Malcolm K.
Johnny M.
Rachel T.


I LOVE YOU GUYS. I WISH YOU LUCK AS YOU ALL GO INTO THE WORLD AND KICK ASS AT WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE TO DO!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

I'm Laughing Too Hard at Myself to Title This Post

Welcome to the Procrastination Station!

Seriously, guys...am I the only one who cannot concentrate for the life of me?

Things I think of while I'm doing homework:

Am I the only one who thinks of "theatre in the round" when I hear the line Dance on the floor in the round from "Billie Jean"?

Did I eat Rice Krispies twice today? 'Cause I kinda feel like I did...

I think they're going to come out with a Chicken Pot Pie Oreo sometime soon, maybe...but if anyone buys it, I will laugh my ass off.

What is a McRib, and why does Jim Gaffigan talk about it so much?

How does that guy make his hair defy gravity? I kinda wish I knew how to do that.

Seriously, I really wish that I did not think of you every time I hear the song "Face Down," because it has literally NOTHING to do with our relationship and really, it's not a very nice song to remind a person of someone they're in love with. (All you RJA fans should know what this means.)

You know what would be really weird? If Michael Jackson walked in my door right now and made all my homework just do itself. Because you know, he could totally do things like that. Because he was just that awesome. And if he were, you know, still HERE, I am so sure he'd do something like that, because he went to this kid's school with a snake for show and tell once, so I think he would PROBABLY be willing to help an innocent teenage girl with her homework...

Oh my God, I haven't watched Ad-Lib News in almost one month! It'll be one month on the Seventeenth! Oh my God, I'm TOTALLY over Ad-Lib News!

Why can I never remember the lyrics to "Hot and Cold"?

How many days is it until the next Blogging Eclipse post?

Dude, I wish they would either break up or stay together, I have no idea whether I should like my friend's possible ex or not, or even if he IS said friend's ex or if they're together or...UGH! MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY!!!!!

I feel like maybe people should stop picking on Lady GaGa. Seriously, guys, she's not any more ridiculous than Katy Perry.

Would I be a total stalker if I called my possible audio recordist again? Seriously, is that guy EVER in his room? Did he already call me back? Why can't I get my damn answering machine to work?

My room smells like lemonade and tunafish. Time to buy some FeBreeze.

I wonder if Andrew updated his blog? I feel like he did and I missed it. Did I miss it? Andrew, help me out here...

That package of Oreos is just staring me in the face. Maybe if I put it on a higher shelf, it would stop. Or maybe I'd just fall off my bed trying to find them later on, when I actually WANT one and can't find the package because I hid it earlier when I was trying to concentrate on homework.

Why can I not make head or tail of the song "Pain of Love" by Tokio Hotel? Oh that's right, because it makes NO SENSE whatsoever!

Dude, if I can't get "Thriller" out of my head before sound-out, I will throw something.

I feel like music right now. Hmm, Michael Jackson or RJA? Ooh, what about the E-Street Band? Oh my God, has Michael Jackson nudged out the E-street Band for my top three favorites? Nah, he just sort-of nudged out Augustana for top five. But Augustana is still in the top ten. Oh my God, what kind of person am I? Did I just jump on the bandwagon for Michael Jackson because he died? I am such a poser! Michael wouldn't use his awesomeness powers to help me with homework because he would hate me for being a fake! Ooh, Jason and the Scorchers! I have to listen to "White Lies"! Eeeee! *gets distracted by "White Lies"*

You know what? I just decided today, I really don't like mumblecore.

Why do I love you? Is it because you're a total deviant, because you know, the last guy I liked was a total deviant too, and look how well that turned out... *smacks forehead* Oh my God, Self, stop being such a pessimist!

Yes. As you can see, this is what I think about when I SHOULD concentrate on homework, or at the very least, on passing room inspection.

Not to mention the delights of FaceBook, YouTube, and the many fansites of my favorite bands. Or, if we're going with external distractions, my best friends, the Melody Freeze, the library, Osterlin Mall...damn, it's a wonder I'm passing ANY of my classes.

Okay. I just realized how funny this is: Blogging about procrastination when I SHOULD be cleaning my room. Is this ridiculous to anyone else, or just me?

Okay. Quick stolen dialogue, and then I'm off to pack my laundry bag.


STOLEN DIALOGUE

[This is ALL taken from the photo shoot I had with my two lead actors earlier today. Keep in mind that their on-screen relationship will be an unrequited gay love story - this is where a good bit of the humor comes from]

Person one: If you break character again, I'm making you kiss him on the mouth.
Person two: [gives me "you've got to be kidding" look]
Person three: Oh my God, why are you punishing ME?!

[noticing spilled stir-fry by a tree]
Person one: It's...wok night.
Person two: Or someone puked.
Me: Yeah, he [points to "straight" character] threw up when you [points to "gay" character] told him you loved him.
Person one: Oh yeah! No wait, I threw up when he rejected me.
Person two: You know what, you should put that in your script! How funny would that be - I throw up because he loves me, he throws up because I don't love him?

"I ride a bike. I should put that on my resume. 'I ride a bike!'...a.k.a., 'I am an American citizen!'"

Person one: I know how we'll make you cry on camera. We'll make you watch the ending of the third episode of Star Wars...I know that made ME cry.
Person two: Actually, just making me watch STAR WARS would make me cry. I've only seen, like, 20 movies in my entire life.
Person one: ...You're fired.

Me [trying to get actor to look in a certain direction]: Okay, pretend there's a REALLY hot girl standing right over there.
Actor: Ooh...look over there at that...bunch of bugs! [Outdoor shoot!] Oh man, that's just so HOT...
Actor #2: Okay, please stop or I'll laugh and then she's gonna make me kiss you.
[Actor #1 promptly shuts up]



That's all for tonight. I am off to strip my room of anything resembling a mess.

The hardest thing about making a movie is...

...Getting everyone together in one place.

And the sad thing is, I am so not even joking about that.

Okay. So here is my to-do list for my movie (and this all has to be done by Saturday OR ELSE):

1. Get with my art director. Together, we will get all of my actors together and figure out their wardrobe for the film. This will hopefully be accomplished by having an "open room," that is, having guys and girls together in one dorm room, which at Interlochen is kind of like convincing your parents to let you have your boyfriend and his buddies over while they're (your parents) out. You KNOW nothing is going to happen, but they aren't so sure.

2. Get two of my actors together and have them pose for a photograph so that my VA buddy can draw a picture version of it in my sketchbook.

3. Find VA buddy (hopefully get together with her and my art director, so we're all on the same page), email her the photos, give her the lowdown on what I want for the drawing, and figure out a fail-safe deadline for said drawing.

4. Get my two leads together with a handful of extras so we can get some background photos. Once again, my art director must be present.

5. Get with my composer and talk about what the music will sound like. Give him the most recent version of the ever-changing script and show him some preview stills (a.k.a. the pictures I took for my art director and Visual Artist) so he'll have a jump-start on writing the actual music.

6. Have a meeting with my thesis advisor. Discuss possibility of adding dialogue to the script. Get into argument. Argue until it's time for class to begin. Get to class. Get out of class. Repeat process.

7. Get together with DP and gaffer (a.k.a. cameraperson and lighting person) and talk about shots, storyboards, lights, and other such technical details. The challenge here is finding a night this week when gaffer is not swamped with her owh thesis film and DP is not busy with friends and/or school.

8. Go on a prop/costume hunt with my art director. I think this is self-explanatory.



As you can see, most of these projects involve meeting with other people. Now, I have a hard enough time getting stuff done on my own. But when I have to coordinate times and dates with half a dozen others, my time management skills go even deeper into the crapper. That's really not good, especially seeing as I am shooting next Wednesday and my rehearsal is this Friday.

There is only one phrase that describes my current schedule. In the words of my very good friend Emily: This is just craptacular.


THIS AFTERNOON:

Confirm audio recordist (which is kind of necessary for a film, having an audio recordist, I mean). Chase down producer and make sure he got the correct dates for the actual shoot. Set meeting with thesis advisor.

TONIGHT

Homework. Food service. More homework. IM with long-distance friend. Sleep (optional). Email VA and explain the dimensions/specifications of the picture that she will draw for my set. Meet with art director and confirm appointments with actors for the photo shoots/costume sessions. Call parents.

TOMORROW

Homework. World History quiz (yuck!). Photo shoot with actors. Email shots to VA. Possibly have that meeting with DP and gaffer. Meet with thesis advisor sometime at noon. Commence arguing. Lock self in room and cry because no one understands my ingenius vision. Calm self with Michael Jackson or Red Jumpsuit Apparatus music. Email thesis advisor and admit that he MIGHT be right about that one pesky line of dialogue that I don't really want to edit. Wonder if I'm a sellout. Decide I'm not a sellout and move on. Call parents.

THURSDAY

Community meeting. Homework. Photo shoot with actors and extras. Possible costume session. Possible prop hunt. Hang posters for GSA and get those lovely questions such as, "Why are you doing that when you could be working on your thesis?" Double food service shift to make up for the fact that I missed last Thursday's shift. Call parents. Rehearsal with actors. Feel nervous around Bill. Feel nervous around actor whom I barely even knew before auditions. Try not to curse around actors or Bill.

FRIDAY

Meet with composer. Meet with art director. Possible continuation of costume session and prop hunts (depends on how much we get done on Thursday). Homework. Homework. Did I mention homework? Possible prelight. Mentally curse the MPA calender for not allowing me to participate in Day of Silence. Call parents and complain profusely.

SATURDAY

Meet with art director again. Finalize whatever else we have to do for my shoot. Use foul language when I inevitably discover that there's just ONE MORE THING that we should've done during the week but instead will have to do over the weekend. Scare art director. Prelight? Curse MPA calender again for not allowing one of my favorite people to be on my shoot. Kick door in frustration. Procrastinate weekend homework. Call parents.

SUNDAY

Wake up early to go to church. Brunch with fellow churchgoers. Take nap. Meet with art director to do whatever we didn't get done in the week. Scare art director. Meet with my two leads and work on chemistry. Meet with one lead and give the ever-unhelpful advice of "just be yourself." Kick door again. Curse again. Scare actors. Scare AD. Repeat MJ/RJA calming ritual and work on beat analysis. Call parents. Continue procrastination.

MONDAY

Wake up early for student senate. Go to mall for final prop-hunt. Scare producer and art director one last time. Fix all last-minute miscommunications. Meet with composer final time. Sleep. FaceBook. Possibly blog. IM with long-distance friends. Rush to get all homework done before class on Tuesday morning. Cuss. Wish for a three-day weekend. Call parents.

TUESDAY

Last day before shooting. Panic. Call best friend (who conveniently lives out of state) and panic some more. Call friends from old high school (a.k.a. "my boys") and panic until they give me a reality check and shut me up. Panic about all homework that I didn't get done over the weekend. Curse. Food service. Curse some more. Call composer and complain. Get reality check from composer. Call DP and complain. Get reality check from DP. Homework. Study. Call parents. Cry. Listen to MJ until I fall asleep.

WEDNESDAY

Shoot film. Annoy everyone on set with my hyperness. Promise myself an ice cream from Bud's if I do not curse ONCE on my set. Fail at not cursing and lose the Bud's ice cream. Try to stay calm, which will be harder than usual as I cannot just whip out my iPod and listen to RJA or MJ when I flip out in the middle of the set. Get through day and feel ridiculously proud of self. Call parents and gush about how wonderful my first day of shooting was.

THURSDAY

Sleep in (finally!). Do homework. Go to community meeting. Try not to obsess over tomorrow's shoot. Food service. Listen to MJ and RJA and try to stay calm. Call parents.

FRIDAY

Shoot film. (See above.) Try to get Andrew Way to cry. Get laughed at. Hear thesis advisor say "I told you to cast the other guy!" Argue profusely with thesis advisor. Watch Andrew nail scene in one take. Gloat at thesis advisor. Repeat process until shooting is done. Homework. Screenplay reading. See parents? Sleep (optional).

SATURDAY

Go to class. Forcibly thank God that I will get to sleep in this weekend. See parents and hug the crap out of them. Try on prom dress. Sleep.


There you go, people. A week in the life of an MPA. Well, more like two weeks. And keep in mind, this is just what goes on with the film...I didn't even talk about prepping for the screenplay reading, studying for the world history quiz, studying for the SAT (which I'm not taking until June, thank God), hanging with friends (IF I have time to do that this week)...

Yeah. This kind of makes me think about the first week of school, when I met up with a couple of actors and asked them what they liked to do in their spare time. They replied with scathing looks and condescendingly informed me, "We're theater majors. We don't get spare time."

I'm an MPA. I don't get spare time.

And I love every minute of it.



STOLEN DIALOGUE:

[in class, doing a dialogue exercise]: "I was watching Spongebob with a lot of people...Edward was one of them...he was wearing a pink sweater...and man, he was yummy!"
[What makes it even funnier is that it was a guy who was saying this...]

Person one: How about mumblecore porn?
Person two: Uh, subject change please.

"When I'm high, five minutes feels like an hour...put that together with listening to an orchestra...dear God, I think I just found a way to time-travel!"

[talking about my film teacher changing a schedule]
Me: Michael doesn't change his mind easily. Jeff and I will have to tag-team him.
My dad: You take him low and Jeff can hit him high. He should go down like a bunch...of...BROCCOLI!!!

"Vanessa Hudgens is in Rent? Dude, the apocalypse is SO gonna hit when that show comes out."

"I would so love to see you participate in Day of Silence. It might be the only chance I ever have to see you not curse for a whole 24 hours."

"I love how we all get on FaceBook as soon as Michael walks out of the room..."

"Hello, Johnston-Carter zoo, how can I help you?"

"Hey, guys? Just so you know, we're going to have a coup d'etat when Mr. McCall walks into the room. Someone grab the guillotine, okay?"

Film teacher: At the risk of sounding like a noob, what's a snuggie?
All of us: Oh my God! Michael! You don't know what a snuggie is?
Film teacher: I repeat...at the risk of sounding like a noob, what's a snuggie?

"Did you really expect All Quiet on the Western Front to be a happy movie?"

Hello, Welcome to the Loony Bin, May I Take Your Order?

ALMOST ONE MONTH WITHOUT AN UPDATE?!?!?!?! ONLY TWO UPDATES IN MARCH?!?!?!?! OH MY GOODNESS, TALK ABOUT EPIC FAIL!!!!!!!!


As of this post, I hereby swear that I will never, EVER EVER EVER go so long without posting again. I promise anyone who reads this blog that there will NEVER be a lack of updateage after this, yes, even though it is thesis film season and I am up to my neck in filmmaking, I will NOT be such an idiot about updating my blog. I promise!



And now, to the actual update. Spring Break kicked major ass...I'm not even going to go into full detail of how much fun it was. I'm just going to point out the highlights:

1. Watching all three Back To the Future movies in one weekend with my dad...that was just epic on so many levels...and then we watched all bonus features, so we had BTTF overload :D

2. Seeing all kinds of epic indie movies! Henry Poole Was Here, Interstate 60, and Saint Ralph were my favorites - if you haven't seen them, you should, they were both EPIC :D

3. Making a Pete Townsend-styled guitar cake for my dad's birthday :)

4. Making a prom dress with Mom...that was just made of epic win...and shopping for fabric was the fun part :)

5. Getting the 25th anniversary-edition of Thriller, as well as the This is It DVD, and staying up until 4 AM--only once, I swear!--geeking out over Michael Jackson and, once again, wondering why I only figured out that he was a genius AFTER he died. Also realizing all over again that, despite my general aversion to synthesizers, I absolutely LOVE his music. (But don't worry, Ronnie Winter, you're still my favorite.)

6. FINALLY finishing my feature-length for class - and then the downside, realizing it was crap and having to rewrite half of it. Oops. Good thing I like revision...

7. LEARNING TO DRIVE ON THE HIGHWAY!!!!! Seriously, this was a defining moment for me. I realized that I am in fact one of THE slowest drivers in America and, for my own safety and the safety of others, I should never, EVER drive in the left lane.

8. Reading (but not BUYING) the New Moon movie book while in Jo-Ann fabrics. Yes, I am just that big a nerd--I actually liked reading the how-we-did-it movie book better than actually SEEING the movie.

9. Finding out that I do in fact sleepwalk, or at the very least wander around the house half-asleep. I only discovered this after having a dream that I went down in the basement, discovered several celebrities inside said basement, and came back upstairs to get my parents, and then when I woke up I actually was standing in the middle of the master bedroom. The next day I reported this to my parents, and my dad said something along the lines of, "If I was having a dream that Bill Kaulitz [lead singer of Tokio Hotel, who Dad thinks is a total freak] was in my basement, I'd sleepwalk too."

10. Talking to my ICA Camp friends over FaceBook. Yes, I know I do that all the time ANYWAY, but it's much better without the threat of failing a homework check hanging over my head.

So yes, that was my Spring Break. Not the most exciting thing ever, but it was a nice break from the business of Interlochen. With the added bonus that now, if by some chance I ever go on a sponsor group trip and we drive on the highway (this is what you call "suspension of disbelief" and for some reason said sponsor cannot drive, I can take over, provided I stay in the right lane.

Okay...moving on.

So it's only been a few days since I got back to IAA, but whoa, what a week! So far we've had sunshine, rain, wind, cold, heat, and now--if I'm not mistaken--snow. At least, I assume it's snow outside my window and that there is not a flock of dandruff-infected birds sitting on the roof directly above me. As soon as the suitemates get up and I can enter and exit without waking up half the people on my floor, I will go out and investigate. For now, I think I'll just report on what's been going down for the past few days.

Who here knows this feeling: You're on the phone with a pal from back home. You're all snuggled up in your (admittedly not too comfortable) dorm bed with you cell phone and a package of Oreos. You're not arguing with your roommate/suitemates, they aren't arguing wiht each other, and everyone is, for once, getting along perfectly. The internet isn't down despite the fact that it's a near-thunderstorm outside. The room is warm but, since you have the window open, it's not a human-size oven. Everything is totally fine.

And then...

Your homeland best buddy informs you of ridiculous but still horrifying (to a teenager, anyway) drama which you can't help him with because you're out in Middle of Nowhere USA while they are stuck in your hometown.

Can you say, "oh, crap?" Because I sure can... Let me tell you something, few things are worse than hearing "Oh, by the way, my girlfriend is cheating on me with my best friend, I'm failing Chemistry, I crashed my parents car, got into a fight with Joe, and almost got arrested for underage smoking all in one weekend, but don't worry, I'm totally fine" over the phone from someone who you would have to sprout wings or obtain a jetpack in order to help. This is when you yell over the phone, "ARE YOU NUTS?!" and end up getting into a screaming argument about how Kristen Stewart could SO kick Ben Stiller's ass. (Don't ask.)

So, what's the solution? I have no f#$%ing clue. All I know is that I am finally beginning to understand why my parents worry so much whenever I vent about school disasters to them. Worrying about stuff you have virtually no control over totally sucks. So, my advice is...don't.

No, you didn't misread that, and no, that was not a typo. My theory is, all you can really do is give you friend (or, mom and dad, your KID) advice on how to handle the istuation and then CALM THE FRENCH DOWN, as my friend from fiction class would tell you. It's totally fine to be concerned. That being said, I've finally figured out after six months of school that stuff is going to happen whether you're there to help or not. Might as well not give yourself gray hairs over it.

And to the person who nearly gave me said gray hairs (you know who you are!), if I were you I would tell this so-called friend to go to hell, and then pour Jell-O down his shirt for good measure. But that's just me. Oh, and Kristen Stewart WOULD win that fight. I only say this because I would love to see someone--ANYONE--beat Ben Stiller.

Speaking of freaking out over things we can't control, was anyone else totally shocked when Aaron Gillespie quit UnderOath? Or was that just me? It was? Okay, moving on.

I also recently found out that Red Jumpsuit Apparatus has a new EP/album coming out sometime in May. It should not surprise anyone to know that I actually jumped off my bed and screamed, "YES!" when I heard this. (See, Ronnie? I TOLD you you're still my favorite.)

Okay. So, on to the freak show that has been Interlochen Weather since the third week of March. In said third week--the week leading up to break--it was warm. And sunny. And did I mention WARM?! I'm talking about sundress-wearing, shorts-wearing, frisbee-playing, sunbathing warm. And then as a welcome-back present, we were all treated to three days of cold and rain. ow, being a rain-lover, I was actually pretty happy about this. In fact, yesterday I went down to the waterfront (don't worry, any IAA officials who might see this, I didn't go INTO the lake, I'm not that crazy) and watched the rain hit the water for the better part of an hour and a half. Rolled around in the grass wearing jeans, a tank top, and a very thin sweatshirt and got SOAKED. This was, to me, total freaking heaven.

And it only got better when I got back to my dorm and had what I like to call a "Rocky Horror moment," as in, a similar situation to something that happened in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The counselor at the desk looked at me like I might possibly need my head examined (and she might be right about that, but still) and remarked, very observantly, "You're...very wet." To which I happily replied, "Yes...it's raining," and had to try very, very hard to not laugh. I then went back upstairs to my dorm and had a good night of calling parents and working on fiction class homework (trust me, this IS fun) and then went to sleep listening to the rain.

After the magical night of rain it was a bit of a letdown to wake up and see snow flurrying outside my window. To be fair, it has STOPPED snowing by now (it is, as of this very moment, April 8 2010, 3:13 in the afternoon, just for the record), but as a friend said earlier, "Welcome to the seizure that is Interlochen weather," so we are probably in for a LOT more weirdness.

So, I've talked about music, I've talked about spring break, I've talked about weather. Hmm...what else is there to talk about? Oh, I know. OREOS! Which I mentioned earlier, but I just have to rant about this because it's ridiculous, and we all know how much Beatnik Belle loves ridiculousness.

What. Is. The. Deal. With. Oreos!?!?! Seriously, do we NEED seventeen different varieties of Oreo? There's the classic black-and-white thingie with the cookie halves and the white frosting in the middle. That's good. Then there's Double-Stuf, which is also pretty good. Then we have seasonal Oreos, with colored icing in the center, depending on which season we're talking about. That's fine. Can't we stop there?

Oh, no. We have to have "Uh-oh Oreos" with chocolate filling and vanilla cookie halves. We have to have "Golden Oreos" with vanilla cookies AND vanilla filling. We have to have "Cake Oreos" which are self-explanatory and, if nobody is offended by this opinion, rather disgusting. We have "Golden Cake Oreos" (see previous sentence). Mint Oreos. Peanut butter Oreos. Double chocolate Oreos. "Fudgee" Oreos, a.k.a. chocolate Keebler cookies made in a skinny Oreo mold instead of an Elf mold.

I think I speak for the entire cookie-eating public when I say, "WHAT THE HECK?!"

Seriously -- does anyone actually BUY the million and one other varieties of Oreo? If you do please, by all means, TELL ME. This is getting insane. It's only a matter of time before they come out with "Chicken Pot Pie Oreos."

With that rant ended, I think I'll post this and go to the prom committee meeting. Once again, I PROMISE I will never go so long without posting again.

STOLEN DIALOGUE: CABIN 16 EDITION

(for you, Hannah!)

Person one: So when I lifted up my bedspread I saw three chipmunks under my bed.
Person two: What did you do?
Person one: I said hi!

"Nothing awkward ever happens to me."

"Tame the bangs!"

"I swear on whatever is above us...including the squirrels..."

"We don't want anyone getting sick. So use Purell! Use it every time you come in and every time you go out! Purell, Purell, Purell!"

"I'M STRANDED!"

Person one: Last night I dreamed that I slept through camp!
Person two: Last night I dreamed that I was on a yacht with Adam Siska and President Obama.
[later on]
Person one: I want to listen to Iron Maiden so bad right now. Like, I don't think you guys can understand.
Person two: Can you understand getting pushed off a boat by Sisky Business?
Person one: Can you understand sleeping through six weeks of camp? I woke up saying, 'What the heck is going on?'
Person two: I woke up saying, 'Don't arrest him, Mr. President...he's just drunk.'

Person one: Hey, Leah, will you check my caper [daily chore]?
Person two: No way, I'll get hit by a flying rubber glove!
[That last one takes a bit of explanation. Basically, we had two dancers in our cabin who were always getting "ice packs," a.k.a. water-filled, frozen rubber gloves, from the nurse. So one day, a couple of people realized that the rubber glove would make a neat trick, so they rigged it up to the ceiling so that when a string was pulled, the glove-on-a-swing would whiz down and whack the person walking beneath it. There were a couple of days where you couldn't walk to the door without getting hit by a frozen glove!]

Person one: Uh, guys? Why is there a wrapped tampon in the toilet?
Person two: I...uh...got hungry. I ate a tampon. [pause] Dude, I can't believe I just said that!

"Yeah, she and I are the resident lesbians of Cabin 16..."
[Once again, it takes a bit of explanation. There were two girls who jokingly flirted with each other throughout the time at camp, even though neither one was actually gay. One night, one of the girls said this to someone who was visiting our cabin and got a shocked stare in response.]

Person one: Are you sick?
Person two: Oh, I just have Thrush. But don't worry, you can't actually catch it from me. Well, unless you drink from my water bottle, use my toothbrush, or stick your tongue in my mouth.
Person one [sarcastic]: Oh, darn. I was hoping we could make out tomorrow.

[referring to a good-looking, long-haired guy]: "Now, on to Jesus...ah, what a babe."

Person one: Uh, guys? This is bad.
Person two: What happened?
Person one: Michael Jackson is dead. Like, he just died, like half an hour ago.
[shocked silence]
Person three: Maybe...every tabloid in America is just playing a joke on us.